Sunday, April 10, 2005

My new living will

Here's the text of my newly drafted living will, for those of you interested. I think it provides for most contingencies.

I, Frank Vincent Santoro, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood ethically challenged politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, Margarita, Bloody Mary, Martini, Rum & Coke, shot of Wild Turkey, etc...you get the idea, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into my case. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.

4 comments:

mary l marrera said...

Well I think that is "all clear" if anyone doesnt understand this will a plug should be pulled on them!!!! Mary Lou

Anonymous said...

So, how do you really feel about this issue? I do wish you could somehow express your views so your family and your government would have and idea of where you stand on this issure.

Doug said...

Amen

Anonymous said...

Maxine's living will says the same thing - are you guys related???