Vinny's HAD Cancer

Forum Family Fix 2009 and its aftermath

2009-07-05T20:42:00.011-05:00

The TC-Cancer online support forum had its annual get together on July 4th in New Jersey. I hadn't been to one before, but since we had extra mandatory vacation days tacked onto the holiday weekend, I decided to make the trek (just me this time, next time it will be a family affair).

What a blast! Probably about 30 survivors, supporters and kids came and we partied until the wee hours of the morning. New friends were made and old friendships were renewed. It's a group of folks who, were it not for the connection through testicular cancer, probably would have no reason to meet and talk. As one of the participants shared:

I can't help feeling like everyone here is very much an extended family to me. I'll never be happy that cancer entered my life. But I can't help feeling very fortunate indeed for having found so many beautiful people, each so unique and special, because of it.

For me at least, there wasn't a lot of emotion connected with our gathering at the time, just folks having a good time. Then there was the next day.

I was in New York Sunday morning to kill time before my flight. I was dropped off in Midtown (about 56th and 6th Ave) with another couple from the group who was staying in the city for a couple of extra days. So I was walking down 5th Ave and passed a Presbyterian church. I found myself wondering, "maybe there's a Methodist church nearby..." so I whipped out the phone and did a search. Boom, there's Christ Church UMC at 60th and Park Ave, about 8 blocks from where I was. And, as it turned out, they had a service starting at 11 (it was about 5 past at the time). I hauled a$$ over to the church and took a seat near the back, about 10 minutes into the service.

The Scripture readings for the day and the sermon were all about being strong in our broken places. The preacher also quoted from Maya Angelou's poem read at President Clinton's first inauguration: “History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived but, if faced with courage, need not be lived again." It dovetailed so well with the sentiment expressed at our gathering of those touched by testicular cancer that I found myself overcome with emotion. Joining in the celebration of communion just took the emotion to the next level.

After the service, I basked for a while in the beautiful weather in Central Park with a sense of grace, peace, and serenity, thankful that I have been blessed to join a group who have been able to help me (and many others) find strength in a time of weakness. Can't wait for the next one!

Flipping cancer the bird

Getting to Know You Tuesday: Frank Santoro

2009-06-30T21:54:00.001-05:00

Getting to Know You Tuesday: Frank Santoro

Posted using ShareThis

And another...

2009-04-22T13:13:00.001-05:00

Say hello to Reese and Cara. Reese was on surveillance but recently started 3xBEP after a CT showed activity in his retroperitoneal lymph nodes.

And another blogger...

2009-04-17T13:46:00.003-05:00

Meet Ted, who had his orchiectomy in February 2008 and has just started chemo for a mass found on a CT.

Good luck Ted!

Another member of the club!

2009-04-11T22:17:00.001-05:00

Please welcome David, from Atlanta, to the TC family! He starts 4xBEP on Monday.

Jan 09

2009-02-06T18:59:00.003-06:00

pics taken in early Jan. He's been a bit on the move of late and I've not been able to grab a camera as often. . .

Here's Hoping...

2008-12-23T20:28:00.002-06:00

That you get to open some really amazing gifts this Christmas time!

Merry Christmas from me and my parents!

Love,
Z

First Hair Cut

2008-11-12T08:39:00.005-06:00

It was bound to happen.
It needed to happen.
I didn't want to do it.
We went to the $10 hair cut place that Frank's been going to since we moved. A nice middle eastern man name Ali (yes Ali the barber), cut Zane's angel hair locks.

It was a full on trip to the barber, wet down, cut, blow dry, even trimmers around his ears and nape of the neck. From the time stamps on my pictures it took about 20 minutes! And he was great about it!

The wet down.

Taking a little off the sides.

And some more.

Looking down for the bangs to be cut.

With Daddy, right after he got out of the chair.

The back after it was done.

I'm not into crew cuts for my little boy. Frank sports one nowadays because chemo left his hair a different texture. I just think Z looks better with some hair, and there's a chance that his curls wouldn't all go away, which, it appears they have not!

Halloween 2008

2008-11-03T13:41:00.006-06:00

Taking the initiative to put together his own costume....Z, trying on mommy's shoes:

Don't worry kid, Mommy, thanks to Nana*, has got you covered.

Beware of lions lurking in tall grass...

Or crawling through their dens.

Or just sunning themselves...

Did you hear, there's a new rule in the jungle, all lions must carry a ball of some kind around at all times. (His tail swished when he walked)

Lions also have good friends in the three eyed monster and yoda categories.
Here they are all looking in the same direction! (there was a puppy dog on the loose)

Hope you had a happy Halloween.

Why we go to church at Berry

2008-10-28T17:54:00.001-05:00

This was read last Sunday, by the author, in our church here in Chicago. He’s a twenty something musician. It’s his response to why he’s part of Berry UMC. I asked him if I could share it b/c it touched me so as a profound reminder of how important the small church is in the world.

Here’s some background about his references to help make sense of the whole:
• Sherrie is the pastor.
• Ben is a 5 year old rambunctious boy, most often found almost tripping any number of people as he runs in and around our legs, during fellowship time. He's often chasing his twin sister or younger sister.
• Temma is the pastor’s daughter who has the capacity of about a 3 month old. She comes to church every Sunday, is wheelchair bound and 23 years old. Our sanctuary is on the 2nd floor and there is no elevator. It takes at least three strong people to carry her up and down those stairs.

Why I Go to Berry
by Matt

The first Sunday that I attended Berry around 5 years ago, the benediction was in the form of Wendell Berry’s “The Mad Farmer Liberation Front.”

I remember Sherrie’s reiteration of the final lines. “Go now… be like the fox, making more tracks then necessary, some in the wrong direction. Practice resurrection.”

At the time, I was visiting Chicago on tour, while still living in Michigan. In the interest of time, lets say that I was a hardened and withering Fundamentalist attending a 1,400 member congregation with 2 jumbo-tron screens, a neon backlit white plastic cross, and a sense that nothing could happen unless it was MASSIVELY visceral and overwhelming.

I say this, not to condemn that church or way of experiencing God, but to acknowledge the immaturity of my own perceptions and lack of engagement in that community. My judgments kept me from seeing anything through the thick “God presence” fog emanating from a hissing machine behind the plastic plants on stage. I always missed the message because I was so busy noting the production, which was so completely incredible that I was sure – through a well-timed fan letter – it would be featured on This American Life with the suggested title, “Weekly Circus: Super-sizing Sunday Service in Middle America.”

I had disengaged and to curb my frustrations, I was assuming the role of an anthropological scientist. “Just here to watch.”

It’s no surprise that the first visit to Berry was slightly alarming. Everything was completely other to me. It was small. There wasn’t a safe 400th row to bob and weave my way through toward the door. Sherrie took long, considerate breathes between thoughts, which was a revelation in itself. “She’s actually thinking as she talks.” I was in love with the unrehearsed, unpolished, and sometimes down-right raw way that things occurred. Children showing me Jesus by freely running amuck. People shared defaming prayers of joy and concern in the safety and trust of the community.

“Who will serve communion?” How about you and you? And there was communion, without spiritual hierarchy or micro-management. It made sense to me. I could not remain anonymous because this wasn’t a drive-thru window. And though I maybe thought that was what I wanted, it wasn’t. This was a meal at a small table in a friend’s home. It was honest and loving, and that was about all that it needed to be. A community of engagement.

I’ve been here ever since, and I’m a part of it simply because I love it. I see Christ in the minutia here and at times when I’m most uncertain of belief, that is exactly what I need. A still small voice. It could be Ben singing “Jesus Loves Me” or it could be a few of us and Temma making our way down the stairs.

I want to end with a quote from Nelson Algren’s Chicago: City on the Make…

Yet once you've come to be part of this particular patch, you'll never love another. Like loving a woman with a broken nose, you may well find lovelier lovelies. But never a lovely so real.

Berry: Community on the Make

fall fun

2008-10-15T22:17:00.006-05:00

apple picking w/ mommy and my friends

I picked these off the tree w/ mommy's help.

These are my buddies. We're eating apples our mom's helped us pick. Boy were they (our mom's) glad that the farm had a wagon they could rent that would hold all of us!
I'm all of 5 mo older than they are, but I do teach them all the "fun" things I know how to do and Mommy warns their mom's about the tricks I teach them. We have lots of fun together.

Yellow or red? I like them both!

pumpkin patch farm w/ daddy and his cousins

I'm looking at pigs with my 2nd cousins on my Dad's Mom's side.

Hey, these make really good balls! (at least he was rolling, not kicking or throwing, this one)

It's not as great as the bumble bee I was going to bring home to show mommy (who was out of town this weekend), but this pumpkin should do just fine. She was proud nonetheless.
It looks bigger in this picture than it really is (camera angles can be so distorting); I carry it around every time I get the chance. Mommy says she might just be crazy enough to let me help carve one of our bigger ones this year. She's insane. But I'm told that never stopped her before.

Water, Frogs and Snakes

2008-09-21T23:15:00.005-05:00

There were turtles too.
What seems like WEEKS ago, but was only 10 days ago, Zane and I went to a Toddlers and Tunes event at our local park . Here are some of the pictures from it, taken w/ my cell phone.

Looking at frogs in a bucket.

Finding a drum beside the buckets of turtles.

touching a snake. he really touched, it, but this picture turned out better.

And the impromptu drum circle w/ fellow beat-sters. Their hands really were flying.

Lastly, below, a pic of Z in front of the flood waters of the North Branch of the Chicago River last Sunday afternoon.

Saturday around 5pm we got a reverse 911 call from the police saying that evacuation locations were at our local police precinct. Now it had rained a lot that day and we'd driver through some water earlier as we'd driven through Lincolnwood and Skokie, but really, evacuation?

Then I started noticing a lot of tow trucks in the parking lot of the elementary school across the street from us. Being the curious cat that I am, coupled w/ Zane in the middle of a very uncharacteristic severe meltdown, we went out to take a walk in the neighborhood.

Following the flashing lights, sirens and tow trucks about three blocks from our house we discovered our neighborhood was very flooded.

We got to see a group of about 15 city workers trying to figure out how to fill sand bags with one shovel. They eventually got their acts together b/c the next day there were many sand bags about.

We were in the restricted area for most of the week while police limited car traffic to allow the heavy equipment to not only put down the sand bags while the water was rising, but get this--front loaders were used and city workers help flooded folks haul the debris of their homes out of flooded basements (and 1st floors) into large trucks that hauled the stuff away.

If only the folks in NOLA had that kind of help early on. Of course Katrina was a lot bigger area than the blocks around the North Branch of the Chicago River....

Travel around town was quite a chore, but we gratefully did not get any flooding. Some of the faulty building of our condo did get some water, but really, when you get 10+ inches in less that 48 hours, 6.5+ of them in 24, a bit of water damage is not unexpected. (the remnants of Hurricane Ike were only the last 1 or 2 inches of water)

Some homes along the river are still mucking out. aprox 350-400 homes were effected. The park we were at a few days earlier was also under water.

This was probably the high point of the water.

Stay dry and happy fall!

Popping Wheelies

2008-08-25T22:09:00.003-05:00

So now that Frank's an international man of of accounting and all, he has a leg up on the "competition" and can score bit in the "toys that no other kids on the block has" department.

In our neighborhood that is pretty international to begin with, that can be quite a feat.

(Although, I'll readily admit it's really not the 17mo in the house that cares about these things, but I digress!)

Feast your eyes on the MOPI. From Hungary via a friend of a friend of Frank's from work.

Within ten minutes of getting on it, I decided Z needed to be wearing a helmet. Good thing too b/c he started popping wheelies up and down the hall.

Needless to say, he loves it.
He got the helmet so he could go bike ridding w/ Daddy.
And this is just a shot to show you how helpful and cute he is. He loves the vacuum cleaner, when it's off.
Have a great day.
The Rev.

the dangers of watching the oylmpics

2008-08-10T14:07:00.003-05:00

Ok, so you knew it would happen--why didn't you all WARN me?

Z is now able to climb into any chair--he's even attempting to scale into our super tall bar stools, he'll manage that by Wednesday. Someone this morning said that from the time they walk until they have some kind of self-preservation skills developed is called “baby prison” for the parents.

No surface is out of his reach. He's been scooting furniture around for months. He's an amazing problem solver. I give him a week to figure out that he has the ability to get to every surface in our house. By pushing a chair up to it and climbing.
 A trip to the emergency room is just around the corner.

Now, on to why it is not safe to watch the Olympics in our house.

We caught a bit of the men's gymnastics last night and Frank joked, "We probably shouldn't let Zane see this, it will give him too many ideas."

I agree.

Example number one:

This was the day after we watched the opening ceremonies. Like 38% of the households (some stat I saw in today's paper) in the US we were DVRing it at the same time. I mean really, if you can zoom through commercials, you do. Then if you see a cute one you can go back and watch it, like the Coke one w/ the colorful birds--watch it closely and see what the red one is standing in front of when he picks up his straw.

Anyway.

During one of the commercial breaks we went back to see the awesome drums.
picture 1
picture 2
picture 3
Then in our own little living room our 16mo son crawled up on the couch turned his back to the TV and used the side table as his drum, mimicking the slow but deliberate moves of that he's previously seen.

Smart little twerp. Seriously, it was pretty awesome so watch him, and a lesson in how he is soaking up EVERYTHING around him and more often than not giving it a whirl.

He also LOVES the "wawa". He and I were at the lake for a while when we visited my parents. He's a beast in the pool, jumping in w/ abandon, never thinking that he might *NOT* be caught. Even when he'd go under the water he came up smiling.

My sister suggested today that with is loves of all things "ball" and now "wawa" that perhaps we have a future water polo player in our midst.

Now off to search for a toddler gym in our area that will teach him how to do all this stuff safely, so that I don't deplete the oxygen level of every room I’m in as I watch him tumble off his latest height.

Flying solo - a day in the life

2008-08-02T17:14:00.005-05:00

The Rev and Zane have gone on an extended trip to Missouri to visit friends and family, leaving yours truly to fend for myself (without a car). I started off the day by heading over to church to pick up our weekly share from our CSA. Drop-off is around 7:40 AM, and the buses don't run too frequently at that time of day on the weekends, so I had to leave the house around 6:45 to make it in time, even though it meant arriving 15 minutes early. Fortunately, a bus arrived a few minutes after I picked up the groceries, and I was able to make it back home fairly quickly.

Next I decided that our bicycle, which has barely seen the light of day in the past 5 years, needed to be cleaned up and put to use. Unfortunately, the tires were flat and we didn't have a bicycle pump. I figured I could pick one up at Home Depot (which is probably the closest hardware store to us if you're using the CTA), so I decided on a plan. I would go to Agent Orange (because it makes your green disappear) and buy a pump, then head to the Roscoe Village neighborhood where the annual "Retro on Roscoe" street festival was taking place, figuring I could have lunch and also find a bike shop (there aren't any in our neighborhood that I know of). Then I could head home, pump up the tires, and take the bike in to get tuned up and buy other necessities (helmet, lock, cable, spare tubes).

Well, it's always wise to have backup plans when public transport is involved, and when the southbound bus I wanted didn't show up for 10 minutes, I saw a bus heading westbound so I hopped on and went to Jefferson Park. As the bus was nearing the end of its route, I spied a bike shop on the left, so after I got off I walked over to check it out. It didn't open for another 30 minutes, so I walked to the library, checked e-mail and read for a while, then walked back to the shop.

The guy behind the counter (I believe it's the owner) doesn't win any points for congeniality, but he did help me find a combination pump set (one for home - a floor pump - and a portable one to mount to the bike) as well as some tubes and I headed back home on the bus. I was able to pump up the tires and ride back to the shop without incident. I left the bike for a tune-up and was promised it would be done by the late afternoon, which meant I had about four hours to kill.

So I decided to head to the Near West Side, which I've never been to before (that I remember). I knew that the original Al's #1 Italian Beef was in the 1000 block of West Taylor Street, but that's about it. I took the train through downtown (avoiding the crowds heading to Lollapalooza) and got off near Union Station, then walked south to Taylor Street and headed west.

As I walked down Taylor I saw the street blocked off with lots of fire engines and other equipment. Turns out it was the Chicago Fire Department's 150th anniversary celebration at the Robert J. Quinn Fire Academy. I stopped in and got a "junior firefighter" hat for Zane, but didn't stay around, although there was free food and other cool stuff, which in retrospect could have kept me fed and entertained until I was ready to head back. Incidentally, I learned in my readings at the library that the Fire Academy was built in the 1950s on the site of the former home of Patrick and Catherine O'Leary, where the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 started in a barn behind the house. (The O'Learys' cow was probably NOT responsible for starting the fire, by the way.)

I continued west through the campus of the University of Illinois at Chicago, had a Polish sausage at Al's, then headed north to catch the train back to Jefferson Park. I had more time to kill, so I went back to the library, then found a local coffee shop and got an iced coffee, then back to the bike shop, where I bought a lock and a helmet and biked home (but based on my experience and comments from others, I'll be looking for another bike shop next time). A good day of exercise. Maybe I'll hit Roscoe Village tomorrow - now I can bike there instead of navigate by train and bus.

dumpr.net

2008-07-26T19:23:00.001-05:00

Modern Art Museum by dumpr.net

lazy days of summer

2008-07-25T10:36:00.004-05:00

So, you'd never know it's summer by the thermometer here in Chicago. Seriously I hope we don't pay for this with a bitterly cold winter.

We've been busy, going to the beach in Fl (which also was not unbearably hot) for the 4th of July, hosting family and friends back here at home.

He loves to mow. Outside and in.

Zane continues to be a learning machine. He babbles away. Words are still not completely understandable, except for "truckKKKKK", but the sign language I've taught him has come in handy as he UNDERSTANDS a lot more than he can talk about.For instance, he know to sit down when he wants to play his rythm sticks, or have his shoes put on. Plops right down in fact. He really enjoys both.

He loves anything that has to do with water:

He loves to boogie, dancing to whatever music is at hand: a commercial on the TV, a song on the ipod, a passing car playing Latin salsa or rap music. He's got the music in him and it makes his daddy VERY happy. Me too, it's just plain fun to watch him spinning around to the music.

Last night we got to take in one of Chicago's many free offerings: a Bossa Nova concert at Millennium Park. We put a blanket out on the lawn and Zane made everyone around us smile w/ his twirling/dancing/flirting.

I'm told...

2008-07-01T20:48:00.004-05:00

...that I'm not updating enough. We're vacating this week, but have wifi in the condo. So for those who want to see a picture of a cute boy, here's what Zane did today.

I don't like sand.
Zane LOVES sand.
I now tolerate sand because he loves sand.

He also said "thank you" today. Prompted yes, but said it in context! It was the best birthday gift I could have ever gotten.

in the future....

2008-06-24T12:58:00.005-05:00

When you see cuts and bruises (casts are only around the corner) on my child, please know that while I delight in him exploring his world, I do not encourage him to climb as high as he can nor do I gleefully watch him navigate a playground's many levels and decide to jump from on high.
Some of what I'm talking about:

Because this is often the result:

That's not a "bloody nose" but a cut under his nose(?!). He got it while falling off the ledge he was walking along. I was close by, I fear I made it worse by trying to keep him from falling....but I digress.

As a mommy friend said to him this morning in the park after he fell and got the cut under his nose, "Zane, at least your black eye has healed up!" Yes, he ran into a table at full speed about a week ago and gave himself a beautiful shiner.

Then there are the times when he's all sweet and mostly helpful:

Of course right now he's spreading Cheez-its all over the floor and stomping on them.
A day in the life!

Life at the speed of Zane

2008-06-12T21:36:00.012-05:00

Life at the speed of Zane is what I'm calling it. It is the new rhythm of my life and I like it. A lot. sometimes it's a wild ride, other times it's snuggling up and kicking back.

It also keeps me from extended periods of thoughtful reflection on the blog.

So, to recap:
I feel more like a Chicagoan. And not just because I know why they call it the Windy City. (btw: It has nothing to do with the often present breeze)

The Walk n Roll for the ACS (a month ago?!? now) was amazing. First, it was a Sunday morning event outside the that I was able to participate in.
Second, Frank was able to raise quite a bit of cash for something we really believe in.
For me it was amazing to walk through Grant Park, in front of the Field Museum, along the lake front and realize that I was going to be sleeping in my own bed that very evening because we LIVE in Chicago!

(in the Chicago skyline picture the walkers are in the far right near the lake, the line stretched all the way up to the skyline)

It wasn’t an easy walk. However, the hard part had NOTHING to do with the 17,000+ steps my pedometer told me I’d walked at the end of the day. It happened while I was walking w/ Frank and Zane. I'm "sight seeing" and amazed by the number of people participating. Groups of people laughing and having a good time, wearing T-shirts or carrying signs and banners in honor or memory of someone.

And then it hit me; I almost burst into tears. I saw T-shirts memorizing a woman younger than us who passed away 2 months ago. A reminder that while it was a beautiful (but cold) day midst the laughter and fun of those walking, we were also all "touched". For a moment I felt the weight of grief felt by this mass of humanity. So many lives lost, so many people being missed--and YET HOPE b/c so many survivors were also there too.

In the days that followed the weight turned to words of thanks for the inquisitive minds of many smart doctors and researchers who have made it their life's work to find cures for the cancers among us.
The following Sunday, back at church, as I voiced that prayer of thanks, gulped down a few of my own tears that I was still sitting next to the man I love. And, while cancer is still a part of our lives we have lived so much since then and have such a beautiful future ahead of us. And such a cute boy to share it with!
I mean, come on, who's number one?

A second big thing in the past month is that Z and I managed a visit to my parents and then met up w/ Frank for a weekend trip back to where we moved from.

We (Z and I) traveled alone for 6 hours in a car. He did great. He loved being at my parents (we went to the MO Botanical Gardens where the sheep picture was taken). He also got a kick out of this brass pot he's sitting in. He carried it around their house. At times he thought it was wonderful, at other times the pot made him very, very mad. His audience thought every moment was funny. It's a HEAVY brass pot, but he wouldn't let that stop him, no not my child!

Back in MO we saw as many folks as we could and took the opportunity to visit the church I served. The current pastor gave his blessings for the visit. (translation: when I asked, he said it was ok for me to visit, I'd checked with him weeks before as it is very uncool for previous pastors to "show up" w/o telling the current pastor it smacks of meddling in the current pastor's work with the people).

It was good to "go home" & see folks. I will always love that little church and the people who work to make it what it is. They walked with us through so many things! And I wanted them to see how big Z had grown in the short time we'd been gone. They, the church, are doing great, just as I knew they would.

It seemed like ages since I'd been there (only 4 months), and other previous pastors might have felt awkward, acknowledging some of the changes that have already occurred, but not me. I am genuinely happy and received as a gift the opportunity to witness some of the seeds I'd planted beginning to find a life, growing under the amazing care of their new pastor.

I am deeply proud of them.

It was a deeper confirmation for me too that I am exactly where God wants me to be, on this side of the pulpit, living at the speed of Zane. I do miss certain aspects of the job, but I'm not climbing the walls as some might expect.

I mean, I get to play with this little boy everyday! How lucky am I? Even in the middle of 3 molars and I think at least two other teeth cutting this week (he won't let me get my fingers in there to check) I'm more than pretty darn lucky!

Four Observed Things

2008-05-08T14:54:00.007-05:00

One:
Did you know that dressing your kid in something with Elmo on it and then going to the play ground is the same as tying a piece of meat around a your neck so the dogs will play with you? All the 3 yos there came up and called him "Elmo". Z was oblivious, he didn't know that they weren't looking him in the eye. Me, I felt a bit of embarrassment (see comment re meat/dogs) and indignation: see my kid not his clothes!

Two:
Did you know that cheerios are VERY absorbent? After dumping his bowl of cereal with milk on his head this week I was pleasantly surprised that there was no milk in his lap when I got him out of the high chair. The cheerios were very wet and I cleaned them up right away b/c I was dreading scraping the dried ones off every surface they stuck to.

Before the bowl turn:

After the bowl turned:

Three:
Did you know that little boys and big boys like to do the same things?

Observe:

Some days I think Zane wants to be a dentist. I love the smile in his eyes.

Four:
Lastly, did you know that where there is a will to climb, not even a Mommy can deny it?

Yesterday, May 7, 2008 Z conquered the ottoman.
I'd call it the Ottoman Empire if it was one of the ottomans you can store stuff. (Thanks H's for the idea) Ours doesn't hold anything except toddlers who climb on top of it. So I'll call it the Ottoman Everest.

He was very, very pleased with himself.

Hope you are able
to play with others w/o having to tie meat around your neck,
to eat and wear cheerios with abandon,
to be who you are, little or big,
AND
to climb all the mountains in your life!

Peace,
Sarah

Zane Update

2008-04-29T12:43:00.008-05:00

Thirteen months old!
Am I superstitious? No.
Am I watching him like a hawk? Yes!

Our wonderful little Mr. Mischief (thanks Auntie S for the t-shirt btw) is into EVERYTHING, most often has either a ball or a stick or both in his hands and loves to rearrange furniture so he can climb higher and higher.

Good thing I'm watching him like a high flying bird, eh?

And ooh, ick, he's found his eyelashes and LOVES to touch them. It looks like he's playing with is eyeball and that just plain grosses me out. No I don't and won't ever wear contacts...

Yesterday he had his 12 (ok, 13) month check up.
He's 21 # and 10.5 oz
30.5 inches tall
and his head circumference is 46.5 cm

All average. Good thing he's above average in being cute and climbing on things!

He got a blood stick to his finger to check his lead level and hemoglobin, it took a while to start bleeding and then there was blood everywhere. (I get my propensity for exaggeration from my mother...) Quite wiggly and he'd rather not have a band aid on his finger, thank you very much, he pulled 4 off before we just decided he was almost done bleeding and that he was just bleeding on ME.

He also had a TB test, it took three sticks to get it under the skin in the right place. Did I mention he's wiggly? I'll have to call back on Wed to report it the injection site has a bubble or not.

Then there were his immunizations. Three more sticks in total. And three more band aids, but since these were on his chubby legs and I quickly covered them with his pants. And THANK GOD I found his immunization records -- only took me about 8 hours, staying up late last night and annoying Frank, but I finally found it about an hour before we had to leave this morning. I KNEW I'd put it in a safe place, but I didn't know HOW safe! I have now made multiple copies and will put them in various places around the house.

The bright spot of the visit was when the Dr. came in and started talking baby gibberish (sounded like a Slavic language to me) with wild gestures. I said to Zane, "He's speaking your language! How cool is that!" Zane thought he was very, very funny. It made him so comfortable that when the Dr. approached w/ tongue depressor Zane just smiled, mouth tightly shut. Dr. said, "this is where you're supposed to cry and scream so I can see inside your mouth." I tickled him instead and it did the trick.

Good news for me: this Pediatrician that we found (who is the Director of Peds dept.) is leaving Northwestern (read 45 minute drive to downtown) and moving to the hospital in our NEIGHBORHOOD (5-10 minutes away!) to be their Director of Pediatrics. As he puts it, It's a "community hospital on the north side in an area that needs more pediatric programs and services. They are eager to develop top quality pediatric services, and they've hired me to help get it done."

As as you know, I'm a sucker for a guy who wants to tackle a complex difficult task and also KNOWS he can do a good job. And one that can speak my kid's language! Well, we of course will be staying with him.

Now I just need to work on figuring out and implementing a new food schedule / routine for he is now cleared to eat anything, but only really loves fruit. He also needs to be weaned from the bottle. I'm really going to miss feeding him his bottle!

Yes, this is now what my days consist of and I'm really loving it!

Now the eye candy:

Picture #1:
Chair surfing, it's all the rage. Hey kid, you missed a spot. I really need to have him work on his dusting technique.

Picture #2
Mr. Cheese. Every time he sees a camera he not only squints up the eyes, but but flashes his 6 teeth!

This is his 1st P,B & J sandwich. (I know, gasp! peanut butter. The APA just "unrecommended" their wait until 3 yo rule on nuts/fish/ect. His Dr. also told me yesterday that he never thought it was a wise ruling as there wasn't enough data to support the ban. I LOVE pnb and I'm glad I've got a quick, easy, portable meal I can give him!)

He ate it from the center of the sandwich out. Who says my kid doesn't think outside the box?

Picture #3
And, if you thought he couldn't get cheesier.
<--Observe. Or peanuttier! You can't see what he put into his hair. Needless to say we went right to the bath tub after this meal. Both of us giggling. He's such a happy kid! Next time I'll give him pieces of the sandwich, not the whole thing....live and learn Mommy, live and learn! Have a good day every one!

Please Support me in the ACS Walk & Roll

2008-04-18T11:11:00.002-05:00

Hey all - I've signed up to take part in the American Cancer Society's Walk and Roll fundraiser in Chicago next month. I'm trying to raise $5,000 for cancer research, advocacy, and patient support. It's very easy - no gift is too small! You can donate online with a credit card by visiting my fundraising page and clicking on the "Click Here to Sponsor Me" button above the thermometer. Or you can go straight to the donation page by simply clicking here.

Thanks for your support!

Should this make me proud?

2008-04-07T13:30:00.003-05:00

So Z's down for a nap. (Reality check: he's in his crib settling in for a much needed nap and I'm ignoring his pleas for release from his prison cell, but I digress).

I found this quiz via one of the blogs I enjoy reading: Company Logos Brand Test. I got 13 of 15 questions correct.
On one hand it means I'm observant of minutiae, things that others may miss or don't give a hoot about.
On the other hand it means I'm throughly immersed in our advertisement driven economy.
That is something I don't is all that great.
That being said however, the competitive part of me wants to know, how well did you do on it?
Enjoy!

New Pictures

2008-03-26T21:02:00.003-05:00

Auntie Susan has been in town to visit. We took the Z man on his first adventure on the "L" downtown. We went to the American Girl Store (Susan, not Z wanted to go there, Frank was happy not to be there and would have muttered under his breath the whole time "I'm so glad we have a boy, I'm so glad we have a boy.") How interesting that some of the things you can buy for your American girl are MORE expensive than the stuff you might buy for your real live child!

We also went to Frank's new office and had lunch with Daddy downtown, underground that it, we ate at a restaurant in the aforementioned Pedway. (we too got lost in said Pedway before finding Frank's office--the signage is not great and since it's underground you can't use the lake as a reference point)

Here he is all bundled up on the brown line train:

And playing w/ Susan's sunglasses. (This was on the way back, notice the happier expression, we let him take his hat off!)

The next day, we took the Z man to have professional year one pictures made.
To do so we had to get in the car and drive to the northern burb's of "Chicagoland".

Aside: "Chicagoland" is a term that I find intriguing and annoying at the same time--they don't call Atlanta "Atlantaland".

Our destination was Portrait Innovations found in the land of planned communities that look a lot like the movie set of Pleasantville, were it to be filmed today. I've had great previous experiences with PI in Atlantaland (nope, it just doesn't work). Needless to say that while the photographer was a bit odd, he did get some good shots.

Here's my boy, ok, OUR boy, at one year old:

Notice the toothy grin? Finally has a total of 6 teeth. Three of which have come in during the last two weeks.

Thanks for ooggling!

The real point of no return

2008-03-11T20:46:00.004-05:00

Here is proof positive that we must be serious about this city living thing:

As of 1:30 PM today, we are officially a one-car family.

After 5 years of great service, my other baby (Prizilla, the gentle green monster) is off to a new life in a far-off land and I am fully embracing life as a public transit consumer. (The Rev. will point out that I slept very poorly last night, mainly due to anxiety over selling "my" car.)

It was yet another testament to the power of craigslist. I placed my ad (at no cost) on two separate occasions -- classified postings are limited to 7 days in big metro areas -- and fielded a couple dozen inquiries. After enduring one extended test driver who never followed up to arrange an inspection, one no-show, one interested person who had to suddenly leave town to rescue his daughter (a likely story) and numerous virtual tire-kickers, I received a terse email asking for the car's VIN to run a check. I responded with the information and my phone number (I had received other similar requests) and figured that would be it.

The next day I got a phone call from a pleasant young woman asking me to meet her and her twin sister (they are both grad students, one in town and the other at a school in another state) at a local Toyota dealership to have the car inspected. One inspection and some brief haggling later, I signed over the title, handed over the keys, and left with a bag containing miscellaneous personal belongings. We closed the deal at a local bank where she arranged (at my request) for the funds to be wired directly to my bank account. It all went off without a hitch, and both parties should hopefully live happily ever after.

All hail the Internet. This young woman was on spring break, was planning to visit her sister in Chicago, and did an extended craigslist search looking for a new car (her previous vehicle was totaled in a winter driving accident) and found one that fit her needs. Even five years ago, this would never have happened. It's a great free market experiment.

walking

2008-03-10T12:30:00.002-05:00

So, Z is walking. Not just taking a few tentative steps between parents, but the "shaking off Mommy's hand, I don't need you thank you very much" walking. Our new living room is huge (kitchen/dining/living room all together) and he loves doing what we call the "circuit", walking all around the room. About 30ft when all is said and done. Hands in the air.
There is nothing funnier than to get him giggling, (which makes him hickup) and then watch him walk--cause he is stumbling and falling down a lot too. (He's walking, but he doesn't have it down quite yet)
I have a sick sense of humor I know, but the only thing that would complete the picture would be a bottle of 1/2 empty JD.
He's also practicing for his trumpet lessons too.

Indian Names

2008-03-06T12:37:00.003-06:00

If there was one thing that I wish I'd left behind in the move it's my natural inclination to "slip" every so often.

It's no secret: I fall down.

A lot.

It sometimes feels that I fall down just as much as a kid who is learning to walk, except they don't have as far to fall and they've got a little padding called a diaper that helps to break some falls.

In seminary a Kroger was re-named "Slippery Kroger" because of the number of times I found slick spots in their isles. They were so afraid (the first time) that I was going to sue, I even got a call at home checking to make sure I was ok. The building is now an antique mall, but when we are back in Decatur, Frank (who wasn't even in my life at the time of the incidents) points it out and says, "Hey, look, the Slippery Kroger!"

Ha ha.

A few years ago I fell in such a weird way that I was able to blame a broken ankle and leg on my 100lb.+ dog. (spiral fractures are fun! so are the metal pins they leave in your leg!) It happened early August. It was November before I was off the crutches. I even managed to wipe out on the crutches, it was pretty.

It's not like I don't come by this naturally. None of the women in my family are what you'd call "steady" in the keeping both feet on the ground department. Come on Mom, fess up, how many times have you fallen? Can you say "Happy Texas"? My maternal grandma also had her "flights of fancy".

So yes, my Indian Name is "She Who Falls Down"; I did not leave it behind as I'd hoped...Now SWFD lives in Chicago. A city that has had 20+ more inches of snow this year than normal. Before yesterday I was please to report that while there has been some slip sliding close calls due to the ice/snow, I had not, until yesterday afternoon, fallen.

Yesterday afternoon didn't involve my carrying Zane (THANK GOD!) or stairs (of course stairs are rarely my issue. However, I did bounce and skid on a non-icy concrete surface.

I had put the boy down for his nap, went outside to put the trash in the dumpster, then walked around the building to get the mail...a new way for me to go. Got mail was walking back AROUND the building and a 1.5 inch side walk step jumped up and bit me. I stumbled, my birks FLEW off my feet and I landed and skidded on my right side. I kept the mail in my hand though! Bloody knuckles on my left hand (my engagement ring was torn up), edge of my thumb to my wrist on my right has some degree of bloody scrape-attude.

These are going to be annoying wounds to heal. I had to hold right hand up to keep it from dropping blood everywhere. Luckily just that morning I had just found the MAJOR first aid supplies (like tape, although I guess packing tape would have worked) and spent 30 minutes cleaning and bandaging my wounds. It was just enough time for the adrenaline to wear off and for my right arm to start noticeably throbbing. Last night I discovered a scrape and bruise on my knee and leg. Poor me.

I waited to tell Frank until he was on his way home (no need to worry him with something he could do nothing about). Even so he thought I was being a bit melodramatic (I'm not preaching these days, so my drama has to go somewhere). I was honestly a bit scared as I was picking myself up off the sidewalk. I went through the mental list of who could I call if I've broken something, it was very short, and would they arrive before Z wakes up?

Today I'm sore and noticing new bruises popping up. But Z and I are doing just fine. We even picked Daddy up after work yesterday and went to a pot luck at a church we've been going to up here.

Z will be going down for an afternoon nap soon, do I DARE go get the mail? She Who Falls Down needs to stay on the couch and rest. *I* need to go get the mail.

Addendum:
Having just gone out and gotten today's mail I must report that said step was about 3 -4 inches tall. I will admit that it was not the step's fault that I fell. I don't pay close enough attention to small details like that. Something about seeing a forest but not the trees.

cute kid fix of the day

2008-03-03T14:25:00.005-06:00

This would be how Z and I celebrated the Polish Guy's Day.
Smiling and enjoying each other's company.

Happy Casimir Pulaski Day!

2008-03-02T21:47:00.003-06:00

It's not often those of us with Polish heritage (1/4 in my case) have cause to celebrate in the U.S. Usually the name "Polish" is in reference to sausage or any number of jokes calling into question the intelligence of my people.

But tomorrow, in the state of Illinois, is Casimir Pulaski Day. All public schools are closed, as are city and county government offices in Chicago.

Who was Casimir Pulaski? He was a Polish general of high birth who was recruited by the Marquis de LaFayette to fight with the Continental Army against the British in the American Revolution. Pulaski trained American soldiers in cavalry tactics and led several divisions in battle, gaining the title "Father of American Cavalry." He was wounded at the Battle of Savannah and died there from his wounds. The nearest major street to us is named in his honor. There is also a national Pulaski Day holiday celebrated in October and an annual parade in New York to commemorate the occasion.

Unfortunately for me, public accounting firms do not celebrate Pulaski Day, but I can at least eat a pierogi or something. Maybe I need some White Eagle underwear to show my support...

Our first day

2008-02-25T19:43:00.008-06:00

Well, day one of our new jobs is done.

FRANK:
My commute downtown was pretty much without incident. I had local office orientation in the morning, was taken to lunch by some of my new associates, and spent the afternoon on a borrowed computer completing administrative stuff (my work computer was on backorder and hadn't arrived yet). All in all not a bad day, although it was odd dining at lunch with people who had to be at least 12-15 years younger than me - I may be the only non-manager with a child.

The commute home was interesting - I took two buses and while I didn't have to wait very long, it seemed to be a lot slower that the train/bus combo. Tomorrow morning's commute will be very interesting, as it is snowing buckets right now, with 6-8 inches forecast. It won't be extraordinarily cold, so I may hoof it to the train rather than risk buses on roads that may not be clean. We'll see.

The rest of the week will certainly keep me busy, with several different events scheduled, all of which include a free lunch. However, one of the first things the Rev. and I will have to decide is scheduling - this is not an 8 to 5 job. I may opt for leaving earlier in the mornings to get back in time to share dinner and give the boy his bath. The firm, in its drive to climb higher on the "best places to work" list, is supposed to be more open to alternative work arrangements, so that may work to our advantage. We'll see.

SARAH: My 1st day "on the job" started WAAAAAAYYYY too early. The small child who lives with us thought the pre-butt crack of dawn hour was more than sufficient to call it a good night's sleep. (I was awake enough to notice that the mug of water I put in the microwave was the source of the popping and sizzling--something about gold/metal paint not doing too well in there.)

Perhaps my early call wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't spent the weekend with a bunch of lunatic quilters holed up in a Double Tree in West St. Louis County who's idea of a good time is "sleep? who needs sleep? There's a quilt top to finish." Followed by a crazed look in their eye. (and that was just me looking in the mirror!)

I did come home with one almost 1/2 way done and I didn't have any of my fabric pre-cut! (on account of the move and all) After I finished a block I stopped pouting over my fabric choice which was picked in duress after I had to give up the idea of what I wanted in my head when we went to find the fabric a few weeks back. Here's what I got finished:

Here's a shot of a several people's main square:

Squint at it. Isn't it cool how the same pattern looks so different with different fabric colors/hues?

Inspired by the call for snow and lots of it beginning this afternoon, Z man and I headed out this am for some shopping errands. I caught him on the beginning of his nap so I drove around exploring until he woke up. Didn't get lost cause I had "Mildred" with me, the GPS I was gifted with at Christmas so as to not get lost.

I gave her a name for two reasons. One a very kind friend of my who was in the car with me shortly after I got her would stop his side of the conversation every time she gave directions. I kept telling him to not worry about interrupting her, but it is not his nature to be rude. I named her so that I could tell all nice people who enter my car, "Mildred's the woman who tells me where to go and how to get there. I ignore her, so should you."

Secondly, when I'm standing at the back door and Frank's at the car, I can yell, "do you have Mildred?" instead of "Do you have the GPS?" Maybe our neighbors will think that's the boy's name for one of his toys he must have with him?

The most exciting thing that happened while were out is that at the end of our shopping, checking out in fact, while I was paying, Z, scraped into the cart, found a way to stand up! As I was doing my final transaction I looked over to find him almost eye to eye with me. Still strapped in mind you, and grinning. Twerp!

He went down early tonight, hopefully he won't want to get up to see the sun rise or watch the snow fall over night. Bed is calling…

(Tuesday update: Z did wake in the night, but slept until his usual time this am. Happy Mommy! Frank left early (we were still in bed). Snow not as deep as predicted, it's beautiful, but enough already! Z has a new weird habit. He likes to put his forehead on the hardwood floor and scoot along with it touching, sometimes making the oddest -his head on the floor- of noises. It is now nap time!)

next best thing?

2008-02-20T15:48:00.003-06:00

To video is pictures, right?

What 1000 words would you put to these two?

Small comfort

2008-02-19T18:20:00.003-06:00

The new job starts Monday, so I decided to do a test commute today to make sure there wouldn't be any surprises next week. I have several different planned routes, but all of them involve some exposure to the elements, whether it's a walk to the El or a wait for the bus. I tried walking to the train station first, which took about 15 minutes at a pretty brisk pace.

The only trouble was it was 10 degrees with a -5 wind chill. Yeah. Time to break out the long johns, scarf, and chap stick.

Once I get downtown, it's not so bad, even though I have about a 10-minute walk from the El to my office. The reason is the Pedway, which is basically a human underground hamster trail that connects many of the buildings downtown.

If today wasn't cold enough, the wind chills night will be between -20 and -30; tomorrow the high will be in the single digits. The weather folks say this is 20 degrees below normal for this time of year. Well, THAT'S a relief.

Seriously though, I'm definitely a city person. If this is the worst it gets, I can handle that. I think the Rev. has it worse because during this time of year she'll basically be housebound with Zane until it warms up (on the plus side, she says she can get a lot of things done).

Zane's latest trick

2008-02-18T09:36:00.003-06:00

No other comments necessary, I think.

Getting settled in

2008-02-16T13:47:00.002-06:00

Move + 1 week, and we finally have phone and internet. Ahhhh. We're not close to being moved in yet, but there has been progress. I'm hanging additional shelves in the Rev.'s closet (her closet has the most space in the house but had the shortest shelf and bar installed) so by the end of the day we can probably break down the rest of the wardrobe boxes. Our goal for this weekend is to get our closets and bathroom done.

Yesterday we got a view of the deep underbelly of Chicago bureaucracy - we went to get new driver's licenses and new tags for the Rev.'s car (mine is for sale). What an experience. Getting the plates required two forms to be filled out and going through three separate lines. Part of the process is handled by the Departement of Revenue and part is handled by the Secretary of State. At least it was all in one building.

The driver's license process was longer and more annoying. First you have to check in to see what sort of services you require and you're issued a ticket with a letter and number, then you sit and wait until your number is called. The Rev. was called right away; I had to wait another 30 minutes to be called, even though my number was only one greater than hers. After that ordeal, we had to pay, which was another line.

Then we had to get in line to take a written test (even though we had licenses from another state). And I do mean written - paper test, desks, red pens (ONLY!) for making your answers, scowling proctors, the whole nine yards (we had the option to take the test in Polish or Spanish, but we declined). After taking the test, we had to get back in the test line to have the test graded, by hand. We actually got in trouble for talking in line while waiting for our grades. After getting our grades, we got in another line, that as far as I can tell had no purpose other than to get us to the final line where our pictures were taken. The whole ordeal took about 1 1/2 hours. The boy behaved admirably the whole time.

And after all that, we had to go to another office to buy a Chicago vehicle sticker (a privilege of living in the city). Unlike the license bureau, they didn't take out of state checks, but took all credit cards.

There are still little irritations with the condo here and there. ComEd hung a sign on the front gate yesterday threatening to cut off the power next month because the electrical contractor didn't make the appropriate sacred incantations. Of course the developer claimed there was no problem and would get right on it. Meanwhile, we're still waiting for punchlist items to be completed.

Well, back to work.

Hot Chocolate and Expensive Internet Connections

2008-02-12T16:45:00.000-06:00

So, I'm sitting in a nearby Starbucks, having spent a fortune on hot chocolate and and internet connection (what a racket!). But I've been going CRAZY not checking email since last Friday (it's only Tuesday, so it must be some kind of modern disease.) Frank went to the library yesterday and checked up on things. He tried to go again today, but it is Lincoln's birthday, so it's closed. Phone in home is yet to be hooked up, but we did get the DSL package of stuff delivered last Friday. Soon....

Yes, we are here, have been since Friday. Today it is snowing. Lake Effects Snow Advisory until midnight--something about 1-2 inches per hour in the "lake effects bands" whatever. it's pretty and only mildly troublesome as you are driving. As a bonus it gives some traction on the six inch ice ruts in the parking area behind our new home. I think we already have 5 inches on top of the 6-7 of ice in our parking area. (Yesterday we had to push the car to get it out of an ice rut in the alley...)

Seems it may be Saturday at the earliest before we have phone/DSL. ugh. I knew I relied upon this a lot, but w/o TV either I'm feeling completely out of the loop! Hopefully by this Saturday we'll have service that we can use w/o having to find a place to hook up. There's a debate between the builder/ developer and Frank as to whether or not ATT will do the inside hook up or if he needs to call his electrician. Being the second of four to move into the building, there are still bugs being worked out.

We are in, but still in shambles. Zane's room is 95% done minus pictures to be hung on the wall. The washing machine arrives on Thursday. Yippee! I think we'll make it until then. Seriously, all the basics are covered. We have heat. We have electric. We have hot water. I can make a meal and take a shower. I have very little to complain about other than "stuff" is highly overrated. It's expensive to move and then you have to find a place to put it. I hope I remember this months (instead of days) ahead of the next time we move.

Miracle of miracles we managed to get a Dr.'s appointment for the boy very quickly. Upon recommendation of our real estate attorney who has three small girls under the age of 6, we are going to a Dr. at North Western which is located down town. Evidently the real estate attorney's children were in there today too. According the the Dr. Zane's ear infection continues to "improve", but he now also has a common cold. He's hacking away and his babbling is hoarse. poor kid. He lunged to play with another kid at the Dr.'s office. I will find a play group soon.

Thank you to all who are thinking about us and sending warm thoughts our way!

We're not worthy!

2008-02-08T17:47:00.002-06:00

Just a quick shout out to the movers. Not only did they safely navigate our stuff through the narrow streets of Chicago, but the driver also managed to back a big freaking moving truck about 250 feet into the alley behind our new home without taking out any utility poles or dumpsters (the alley is about 13 feet wide and the truck is about 10 feet wide). The only wrinkle was some looney importers on the corner who are used to using the alley as their own private loading dock.

And, the estimate was within $100 from the actual charges. Pretty damn spiffy work.

So, if you're planning a move from central Missouri in the future and need a mover, we're have a great recommendation for you. Just leave a comment or email offline.

It's on the truck

2008-02-07T06:36:00.000-06:00

That has to be one of my all-time favorite salesman excuses for why an ordered product wasn't delivered on time. In our case, however, it literally is true. After a marathon night packing session Tuesday night, we called it quits around midnight, set the alarm for 4 AM, got a few hours of sleep, then resumed stuffing our lives into boxes.

The movers showed up on time and were very efficient. They were also grateful to us because we had culled a large pile of stuff that we weren't taking, but it wasn't trash either. As my sinister-in-law said the night before, "somebody could start a new life (a good life) with all the stuff you're leaving behind!" The movers culled that pile further by picking through it to find treasures for themselves to take.

As for the picked-through leftovers, the church very very very graciously offered to cart it away for us. Thanks, Bob and Dwain! Meanwhile, another church member showed up with fresh chocolate chip cookies, and another member carted off most of the opened (but still edible) food from the fridge and pantry. Good people.

Anyway, the truck pulled out around 3 PM or so. We spent another hour doing the final walk through and clean-up (I use the term loosely), then packed up our cars with the stuff we wanted to keep with us, stuffed Zane into a space amongst the clutter, said a last few tearful goodbyes, and headed to St. Louis for an overnight rest.

The plan is for me to drive up to Chicago today to meet the truck when it arrives Friday morning. Sarah, Zane, and "Grumpy" (Sarah's Dad) will drive up on Friday. The old man got a senior discount on Amtrak, so his trip back will be on the cheap.

Did I mention the weather? Monday (our originally scheduled moving day) was clear and beautiful, but we changed it last week after it became abundantly clear that two full-time workers with a toddler can't get much packing done without extra time and/or extra help - as it turned out, we needed plenty of both. Yesterday was cold and nasty, with early drizzle changing to freezing rain and then to snow, but just enough to make things messy.

Meanwhile, Chicagoland got hit with a mini-blizzard on Wednesday, although the city seemed to escape the worst of it - maybe about 4 inches total, as opposed to the 12-14 inches that the northern suburbs were pounded with. Today is supposed to be cold, but only flurries. Friday should be a bit warmer, but still cold enough for flurries. What fun!

in my own little world

2008-01-30T17:24:00.000-06:00

Knee deep in boxes, tangled in tape, wondering which box Zane will climb on top of next. These are the things that are dominating my thoughts.

Then I see this headline:

Tribe all but vanishes from Kenyan city

a blurb:
"KISUMU, Kenya - The young man hefting a machete at the burning roadblock was frustrated. He'd been looking for five days, but could not find a member of the Kikuyu tribe to kill."

I've been aware, even personally connected through my friend Andy who writes at Enter the Rainbow, of the atrocities in Kenya. But the image that was painted by reading this little bit of the story took my breath away. This level of violence seems so removed from my experience, it is sobering to realize only a few steps are between me and that kind of chaos.

This story reminded me of how so very often the things directly in front of our face are the ONLY things we can see. We are holed up in our own little worlds and while that can feel safe and warm (even in the middle of freak windstorms and super cold temperatures) it is not the best place to be.

When I we loose sight of so many other tragic things a part of my connection to the whole is lost. A part of me is lost. So I hope that in the next few days while my head will certainly be turned in the direction of the things that effect me most, I hope I can remember to be aware of others outside my immediate sphere of influences and at the very least say a prayer. Can you say one too?

I don't know...

2008-01-17T20:10:00.000-06:00

I don't know what other mothers think about as the give their baby their "night night" bottle, but this one often thinks about and says a prayer for her son's "tummy mommy". I wonder what she is doing. Is she safe? Is she wondering about us? Does she know how much I love her and wish only the best for her?

As Zane wrings his hands over his bottle and clutches his "lovey" (fancy word for burb rag) to his face I marvel at the little man she created and placed into my arms.

I wonder if other moms contemplate the whys and hows their child is placed into their arms, or if that is something that is taken for granted when you haven't had to walk this particular route to parenthood.

Zane is only 9 1/2 months old. I was so nervous when he came into our lives. Today I'm more comfortable and enjoying every moment. They have already gone so fast!

One thing I do know: we are completely head over heels about this kid.
I mean, what's not to love?:

His daddy is clearly smitten!

(such a Daddy's boy!)

And: he had his 9 mo check up yesterday. We've clearly been pointing the camera in his face too much. When the doc went to look in his eyes with the light thingy, he sprouted a toothy grin. Can you say ham? He's doing great by the way, it was a particularly good visit as we didn't leave with him whimpering from any shots! We then got to go to Daddy's dr.'s office to visit the chemo nurses and say good bye before we head north next month. Mommy went to the dr. today, it's our "tour of health" before we move; we have dentist appointments the week before we go...

Peace,
Sarah

One Month...

2008-01-04T17:06:00.000-06:00

A month from today the moving van will load up our earthly possessions to transport them to our new home. I've mostly resigned myself to the reality of living with boxes for the time being during the packing and unpacking time. I don't like it, but I'll deal with it.

I *am* appreciating the added level of difficulty that Z introduces as he is a cruising 9.5 month old boy who loves all things paper and cardboard, and keeping him out of the dog's water dish. Thank goodness for the wrapping paper rolls that he like to "vacuum" the floor with. These keep him occupied for at least 10 minutes straight!

Does anybody know the number of a good dumpster company? That is of course a rhetorical question. ;-)

If you don't hear from us for a while it is probably because we've taped ourselves into a corner and we are stuck behind a pile of books trying to keep the boy from eating their dust covers or the dust bunnies we find. Ooooh soft bunny..... gotta go.

The Rev.

Nice and Rough

2007-12-18T21:14:00.000-06:00

Remember how Ike and Tina Turner used to sing "Proud Mary"? "We never do ANYTHING nice and easy...we do it nice and ROUGH!"

Well, Ike and Tina ain't got nothin' on us.

We just returned from a whirlwind tour of Chicago. We arrived late late late Sunday night, then spent all day Monday being shuttled around town by a real estate agent we only knew via email and a phone call or two, visiting 13 (count 'em) different properties that had piqued our interest. That night we collapsed after mulling over the choices with the help of some chianti.

Tuesday morning (that's today) we made an offer on our top choice. The Rev. and I took the "L" over to the neighborhood to walk around and try to get a feel for the area, then came back to our hotel, packed up and checked out, grabbed a quick bite, hauled our stuff to the "L" and made off for the airport. We arrived in St. Louis, had dinner with the Rev.'s parents, and got back in the car. No sooner after we merged on to the highway, our agent called us back with a counteroffer from the developer, which we accepted. Closing is tentatively scheduled in late January.

Time to take a breath. Ahhhhhh.....

Here's a picture of what may be our new home, in the Chicago neighborhood of Albany Park.

It's a single-floor 3-bedroom, 2-bath condo (we would be on the floor that has the sign hanging on it). The neighborhood may be one of the most ethnically diverse places on the planet - there are supposedly at least 40 different languages spoken by the residents, and it includes a thriving Korean business community (one of the main drags of the area is nicknamed "Seoul Drive"). There is also a concentration of immigrants from the Mexican state of Michoacán.

Needless to say, it will be very different than mid-Missouri. But we're up for the adventure!

Let it Snow!

2007-12-15T22:23:00.000-06:00

May you live in interesting times...

2007-12-03T11:27:00.000-06:00

OK, time for a newsflash:

We're moving to Chicago!

This will happen in February sometime. I was approached by a Big 4 accounting firm in Chicago (who I used to work for) with an offer we couldn't refuse. The Rev. will go on family leave from the ministry and get to be a stay-at-home mom for Zane. I get a job with lots of promise and potential and get to put my degree to work again.

There are some bittersweet feelings that come with this move. We will miss terribly the friends we've made in Columbia, but we will be living in an exciting place. We're not sure exactly where in Chicago we'll be living (either in the city proper or very close suburbs), but Zane's going to be an urban boy.

Life will be crazier than usual during the holidays as we try to add house-hunting and house packing (and a myriad of other to-dos) to our already full plates. I hope the stress won't rub off on Zane. We try to make his world as calm, loving and care-free as possible.

For a change, I'm the one taking our family on a wild ride by choice.

Some Eye Candy

2007-11-26T16:06:00.001-06:00

Recent photos of the Z-man.
Enjoy.

I like to spend just as much time under the exersauser as in it.
Mom says I'm just trying to decide if I want to be an auto mechanic.

All bundled up for a walk with Daddy.

Looking at this morning picture, the prospect of having a good hair day is questionable at best

MIZ ZOU!
His shirt reads: "Tiger, not just a name, but a lifestyle"
My question: Can YOU believe they are no 1 in the country?

Making readers smarter since 2005!

2007-11-08T13:34:00.000-06:00

Hat tip to The Rev. for digging up this gem:

Yay for us! Granted, this tester isn't that sophisticated (the Rev. found something on how it works but I can't place my grimy paws on it). So I ran the blog through some more comprehensive tests at readability.info and got these results:

Kincaid: 4.7
ARI: 4.4
Coleman-Liau: 8.0
Flesch Index: 85.9
Fog Index: 7.6
Lix: 29.3 = below school year 5
SMOG-Grading: 7.6

These results are very different (ranging somewhere between 4th and 8th grade level). You can get more info about the underlying algorithms here. Then I ran it through Juicystudio's tests and got these results:

Gunning Fog Index 15.83
Flesch Reading Ease 16.35
Flesch-Kincaid Grade 12.00

Since only recent posts are displayed when you call up the main URL of the blog, it's hard to get an overall score for the entire blog (when I tested the archives, the scores varied wildly from month-to-month). Faced with such inconsistent results, I'll just stick with the original "genius" moniker - it sounds cooler anyway. And I'm a firm believer of osmosis learning and intelligence, so you, gentle readers, should feel smarter too!

Author! Author!

2007-10-19T08:59:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember my escapade in the clouds shortly after I was able to start flying post-chemo. Well, I did some editing and submitted the story to AOPA (Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association), and the editors there said they would look at it. Many months later, I hadn't heard anything, so I figured they decided not to use my submission, but I asked anyway. Much to my surprise, I was told that AOPA intended to publish my story.

I was slightly disappointed that it wouldn't be published in their print magazine, but it was featured in this week's email newsletter to members. Here's the published version of the story. For the record, I was paid, so I guess that technically makes me a professional published author. That and three bucks can buy me a latte at Starbucks.

Toro!

2007-10-10T22:13:00.000-05:00

It was inevitable. No sooner had we been deemed to be "state approved permanent parents" for Zane, he promptly caught a GI bug and treated us to several days of vomiting and diarrhea! It brought to mind what my mother-in-law told me in the middle of Sarah's and my wedding service: "It's too late now." Ah, the joys of family living!

Anyway, on to the topic of this post. For some reason, our son has started this odd behavior of screwing up his face to look like a troll, flaring his nostrils and breathing heavily through his nose. We've postulated as to where and how he picked up this trick, but since it gives him something like the countenance of a bull, we offer this for your entertainment:

Oh, did I mention that Zane is crawling?

Adoption Day!

2007-10-05T11:43:00.000-05:00

Wednesday October 3, 2007

Having reviewed the paperwork, seen us and the kid in person, the judge deemed us “fit parents for this child” and ruled that his name be officially changed and a new birth certificate awarded.

We couldn’t be happier!

With us in the court room were my parents and sister, and good friend Daniel, who happens to be the pastor at the church next door to the courthouse.

Thank you to all who helped pray for this day to be a reality. We celebrated the day with dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. We figure no matter where we land in the years to come, there will always be a Chinese restaurant we can go to.

Here is a picture of us and the boy.

The Sleep Song

2007-09-23T22:52:00.001-05:00

I'm on a roll video-wise, so here's another one (this one is housed at YouTube, along with flying videos I shoot).

Zane's First Music Video

2007-09-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

Zane was in rare form today working out his vocal cords. He's got a long way to go before becoming the next Pavarotti, but he could get a job as a frontman for some of the aging metal bands as their voices give out. Either that or voiceover for Ned Beatty in Deliverance.

And now, for my next trick...

2007-09-22T10:07:00.000-05:00

So the Rev. decided today was the day to try a new food. All Zane has had for the past two months or so is formula, formula mixed with rice cereal, formula mixed with oatmeal, and formula mixed with "ricemeal" (our own special blend of rice and oatmeal). We've had a pantry stocked with baby food ready to go for at least a month. Well, today we popped open a fresh package of...

CARROTS!

He tolerated it pretty well, and then washed it down with some rice. (Let the record show that I also started on carrots, except I was only three months old at the time. Things were different then.)

My favorite thing to look at...

2007-09-17T15:22:00.000-05:00

Zane may not be YOUR favorite thing to look at, but he is mine and I feel compelled to share some of the cute pictures from the last week. He's getting so big!

Zane and Fibber (the dog --Fibonacci--aka "Fibber") .
Zane loves Fibber's sloppy baloney-tongue kisses, he'd just received one when this pic was shot. He is fascinated by most of Fibbers movements around the house, esp that tail!

Zane having a good time hanging out with friends.
He's just so darn cute!
Have a good week.

Up In the Air

2007-09-12T12:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, so yall know Vinny's a pilot.

Pilots are (can be) ubergeeks. (Is in this case)

They are (can be) spoused to closet ubergeeks. (Again, is in this case, but I will feign any knowledge if I have to think too much about it.)

Vinny's inlaws are currently in route to a long awaited vacation in California. And they, being the most direct progenitors of Vinny's spouse, also have ubergeekness to them. Seeing as how Mom excitedly called to let me know they'd arrived at the airport this morning, they will get a kick out of the following picture from this nifty little site called Flight Aware. It will let them know I care. :-)

You type in the tail number of a plane that's flying IFR, or the flight number of a commercial flight and (for free!--cheap ubergeeks unite!) you get real time flight tracking. Currently my mom and dad have an estimated 2 hours and 36 minutes and 572 miles down; 1160 miles to go on their flight.

Here's a screen shot:

Looks like they are almost done with Kansas, driving or flying, it is still a very wide, flat state. Maybe they'll get a clear view of the Rockies in the near future?

You can also see that there's a bit of weather down at the Texas/LA border on the gulf, looks like clear skies for their flight though.

Super cool web site.

Look out California, here they come!

The Rev.

You'll never see this in the US

2007-09-07T10:53:00.000-05:00

Yet another great PSA that would never make it past the moral guardians of our culture in the US...

Keep your eye on the balls.

Courtesy of Everyman (Institute of Cancer Research, UK).

New member of the club

2007-09-07T10:40:00.000-05:00

Michael Sessions, the 19-year old mayor(!) of Hillsdale, Michigan (who apparently has to balance work and school), announced last week that he was diagnosed with TC and had an orchiectomy in late July. He's scheduled to have an RPLND next week.

Again, early detection was the key! Good luck, Michael - sorry you had to join our club.

Catalog "Reading"

2007-09-05T17:12:00.000-05:00

Zane has discovered a use for those many catalogs that clog our mail box.

Have a great day.

Mini Vinny, One Year Later

2007-08-28T07:05:00.000-05:00

A year ago at this time, we were scrambling like mad to pack up for a trip to Virginia to adopt a baby that was a day old. It was the start of an adventure that had stratospheric highs and then horrid, painful lows. Yesterday was Mini Vinny's first birthday.

I'd be lying if I said I thought about him every day. With the arrival of Zane our life has changed radically and I'm lucky if I remember my own name some nights. Still, I wonder sometimes how he's doing, what he looks like, whether he's walking, whether he's talking. I sometimes look at the pictures of him from the few precious days we spent with him. What a long, strange trip it's been.

And yet, in hindsight I wouldn't change a single thing. Had Mini Vinny stayed in our lives, we probably never would have welcomed Zane into our world. Life continues to confound and surprise us, and that's OK.

Happy Birthday, Mini Vinny! We'll never forget you.

A Cancer Related Post?

2007-08-13T21:32:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, I know. That's good news! Boring is ok when it comes to medical issues. The Cancer Box has moved to a new location, so I'll be stepping into a brand new building when I go for my next CT in October. But I saw this cartoon in my New Yorker the other day, and I just had to share it.

Zane Simpson

2007-08-01T10:36:00.000-05:00

From the land of wasted, but fun, time:

Here's Zane's picture:

Here's Zane Simpsonized:

Here's where you can get the same treatment:

Simpsonize Me

highs and lows

2007-07-24T14:48:00.001-05:00

Frank's dad snapped this shot on Saturday during the worship service. It is of our friend Daniel pouring the water into the font for Zane's baptism.

Daniel's preaching and pastoring showered our family and all present with God's grace and love. (Plus, he got to say "poop" from the pulpit!)

Our friend Alex's lullaby in Portuguese was stunning and beautiful.

Thanks to all who were there in body and spirit. We are truly blessed with Z in our life.

In other news, Z began day care this week.
He started it like this:

Momma started it like this:

I hear it gets better.

He won't use up all his smiles on the cute girls watching him, will he?

The Rev.

Just so darn cute!

2007-07-17T12:33:00.000-05:00

This weekend is Zane's baptism. We have family coming in from all over. It will be a wonderful zoo! Then, Monday, after agonizing over the choices, FT day care begins. It is in home w/ 8 kids total. He will join two other little boys who are the same age and a month older. Look out world.

Here's the cutie sitting in his bumbo seat and finally enjoying tummy time!

The latest

2007-07-10T16:47:00.002-05:00

long time no blog

I am back at work. Week two and it's Vacation Bible School time. Translation: Daddy's got the evening routine with the boy all to himself. I'm happy to report Daddy and Zane are doing just fine.

We had a great week at the beach with Frank's family. Zane LOVES being in groups of people. The bodes well as he's "theological offspring"* and all. (*"Theological Offspring" = "preacher's kid")

He was all smiles for folks on Sunday when he shared greeting duties with Mommy after church.

A Parents as Teachers educator has had her 1st visit with us and he is meeting all the developmental markers for his age group. (I was hoping they had some sort of "extra credit" line so his permanent record could begin looking exceptional, but alas no.) Missouri is the state that began this amazing program. Every school district in the state has at least one parent educator. Our city even kicks in extra $ for is so there are 40 educators and an excellent resource library and space in town.

Ok, some of you want new pictures. Here goes:

pleased that Daddy got his toes out of his pjs to play:

chewing on his fist;

on the beach with Daddy:
playing with one of his cousins:
listening to a friend sing low tones in his ear:
Have a great week.
The Rev.

Shots!

2007-06-05T13:55:00.001-05:00

Zane had his 2 month shots today.

Sniff. three big needles, two strong nurses and me making Frank help hold him down.

Baby and parents are doing fine.

He's now 11lbs and 11oz, 22.5inches long. He's jumped ahead in the % from where he was at birth (5%, now 25-50%)

He went with us to Annual Conference over the weekend (yes, I know I'm on leave) because a friend Rev. Andy Bryan was to be ordained and asked me to be one of the people to lay hands on him--with his Grandfather the Bishop and his dad the preacher. Pretty special honor, so I had to do it. Andy is the 7th generation in his family to be a Methodist pastor so to stand there with him was a powerful experience.

Vinny also had to teach a workshop with his boss on Sunday afternoon, so the trip was a family affair.

As for Zane's experience of AC: LOVES to meet/charm people, HATES long car rides.

It is less than a month before I return to work. Folks at church have been amazing to allow me this time. I'm really proud of them too for not going into "idle" mode while I've been gone. Personally I'm not anxious for the time over the next weeks to fly by, as I love spending day in day out w/Z (and being the one person who knows what is going in and out of him). But I do miss preaching. AC reminded me of that. It's a calling, not a job. I'm glad that it is part of my life.

All Clear

2007-05-24T20:11:00.000-05:00

Today was Zane's follow up with his surgeon.

All is well. Dr. P did such good work that he took out his digital camera and took picture's of Z's tummy so he could show other parents how quickly the scars heal and how minimal they look, just after 2 weeks!

We in turn asked to take Dr. P's picture with Zane:

You many not be able to see, but Dr. P he is wearing a South Park tie.
Seals the deal for Frank, this guy is the bomb!

And yes, Zane is holding his head up unassisted. Stronger every day!

After an incredible quick visit (in and out in 10 minutes--must be a record for "hospital time") we zipped over to the cancer box to deliver the following pictures taken on Tuesday when Frank had a blood test.

At the Cancer Box, Nurses Julie and Rhonda were very excited to see him again. These are the pictures we took them. He is turning into quite the flirt.

He's had a busy week. Monday night the church threw a baby shower for us. He was, as always, a really good baby, sharing smiles and coos equally. Here he is the next day all sacked out on his grandpa's lap. It takes a lot of energy to be so cute!

The Rev.

Like Father, Like Son

2007-05-12T15:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, so the short story is: we didn't spend Mother's Day weekend in Louisville because Zane was sick. He's better now.

Now for the long story...

While Sarah and Zane were gone and leaving me to temporary bachelorhood, Zane started having problems with vomiting. Now, most of us would think: no big deal, babies spit up all the time. Well, it got so bad that last Wednesday night Sarah called after Zane became the vomit comet and cried inconsolably for several eternities and said that they were coming home. Nana* (Sarah's Mom) rode back with them and they got home around 1 AM Thursday.

Before returning home, Sarah contacted our pediatrician's office and spoke with the on-call doctor, who suggested Zane might have something called pyloric stenosis (actually, hypertrophic pyloric stenosis, but most folks in "casual" medical conversation leave off the hypertrophic part) and we needed to see our doctor the next day. Basically, if you have this condition your pylorus, which connects the stomach to the duodenum (the beginning of the small intestine) is enlarged and squeezes shut the connection. This keeps food from being passed downstream and as a result, the stomach sends it back where it came from.

My Dad and I agreed it probably wasn't a smart idea to plant that idea in a parent's head just based on a phone conversation, but it did give me something to Google while waiting for Zane and Sarah to get home.

Well, we went to the doctor on Thursday morning, who sent us to the hospital for an ultrasound that afternoon. The technician (who we knew from our adoptive parents' group) called in the radiologists, who diagnosed Zane with, you guessed it, pyloric stenosis. So we admitted Zane to the hospital and immediately entered "The Hospital Zone", where time moves in a manner unfathomable to the outside world. We met with the surgeon, who explained how the laparoscopic pyloromyotomy would work. Zane couldn't have anything to eat or drink until after the surgery (all he had in the 1 1/2 days before the surgery was a few ounces of pedialyte).

We stayed with Zane in the room Thursday night, and Friday afternoon was the surgery. It went well, and we even got souvenir pictures of Zane's insides. By Friday evening he was eating well, and Saturday morning it was clear from Zane's migration in the crib that he felt better and was ready to go home. The surgeon agreed and discharged us. We were a little concerned by the discharge instructions that encouraged Zane to "walk as much as possible". I mean, talk about high expectations for a 6 1/2 week old!

So Zane now has a few marks on his abdomen (closed with super glue) and has entered the unofficial "scar competition" that previously had only been between me and Sarah's mom. I think I should get to count Zane's scars in my total (the aggregation rules are very complex). Sarah insists that this will be Zane's ONLY entry in this insane competition.

Slogging through Babyland

2007-05-03T23:47:00.000-05:00

Well, Zane is just over a month old and has already made his first airplane trip (although I am a bit put out that it was in a cigar tube airliner and not with his Daddy in the pilot's seat). The Rev. and Zane visited her parents for a couple of days, then flew down today to visit my folks for the next week, as well as Zane's cousins (6 of them now, to be 8 later this year). For the Rev. it is a preview of our family's beach week this coming summer, where we'll have four toddlers ages 1 to 1 1/2, a 2 1/2-year old, a 6-year old, Zane, and 10 adults (one of whom will be pregnant with twins). Her assessment is that we should all sleep well because it will be pandemonium during the day. Eventually we may have a fun condo and a time-out condo, but this year it will be sheer madness.

So, I'm batching it with the dog for the next week. I plan to get some sleep, but I can't help thinking I'm missing out on the fun. Still, sleep is good. Next up for us is a trip to Louisville over Mother's Day weekend. It's the weekend after the Derby, so hopefully the city should be somewhat back to normal.

Announcing Our New Arrival

2007-04-02T22:19:00.000-05:00

The Rev. and I are proud to announce the arrival of:

Zane Alexander
Born at 1:01 AM, Wednesday, March 28, 2007
6 lb, 5 oz, 19 1/2 in.

We were blessed to be present at his birth and had the opportunity to visit with Zane and his birthmom several times during their stay in the hospital.

On Friday, we were able to take Zane home, and earlier today (Monday), the court granted us temporary custody in our adoption case until the adoption is finalized later this fall.

So we are now in the throes of sleep deprivation and learning to decipher the crying language of babies. More pictures are available here.

The Rev.'s parents visit tomorrow, and my folks will come into town next week some time. For now, we are very tired, but very happy.

A spring break to remember

2007-03-29T06:19:00.000-05:00

Tuesday morning at 6:30, we took prospective birthmom to the hospital to induce labor (it was her OB's idea). 18 1/2 hours later, she was no longer a prospective birthmom, having given birth to a healthy baby boy at 1:01 AM. 6 pounds, 5 ounces, 19 1/2 inches long.

Why the OB chose Tuesday to induce labor, I don't know. After all, this week is spring break in our town for both the public schools and the colleges and universities. As a result, the following people are out of town this week:

Birthmom's OB
Our adoption attorney
The director of our adoption agency

Anyway, birthmom is resting at the hospital (although not comfortably, as there is major construction going on around the post-partum section of the hospital). The hospital allows prospective adoptive parents to visit from 1-4 PM daily (normal people can visit whenever they want). We stayed at the hospital with birthmom all day Tuesday and left about 4 AM on Wednesday, got home and went to bed around 5 AM - the same time we had awoken the previous day.

Assuming all goes as planned, here's the schedule for the next few days:

The baby should be released from the hospital on Friday morning. The hospital won't accept a durable power of attorney from the birthmom allowing the baby to be released to us, so he'll be released to birthmom, who will promptly turn him over to the social worker from the adoption agency, who will in turn deliver him to us in the parking lot.
We'll stay at home until Sunday, when we travel to a nearby city to spend the night, then file an adoption petition on Monday morning.
In court on Monday, there will be a hearing to terminate birthmom's parental rights, then a hearing to determine temporary custody of the baby and award such to the Rev. and me.

Nothing is certain until then, so for now there will be no pictures or other details. Stay tuned!

Waiting

2007-03-09T13:52:00.000-06:00

I hate waiting. So does the Rev. But we're waiting.

Our birthmom-to-be / adoption partner is 36+ weeks along, effaced and beginning to dilate. So, it's only a matter of time before the child she's carrying (and that we hope and plan to adopt) will make his grand entrance into the world.

The Rev. has her affairs in order (as best as they can be in order) and is ready when the time comes. After my opera gig this weekend, I'll be ready too.

No guarantees. Bad things could still happen, but given the relationship we've cultivated with our PPP (partner pregnant person) over the past 5 months, we're still cautiously optimistic that we will be able to adopt this child. If it doesn't happen, we pick up the pieces and start over again.

And then life will change. The Rev. and I will enter the land of the sleep deprived, and our child's birthmom will gradually move to the sidelines of our lives.

Meanwhile, we wait.

anonymous

2007-02-28T13:59:00.000-06:00

Maybe you are visiting because you have followed a link from a mean spirited “troll” who copied a recent post that I made here on his/her blog (the author is anonymous). If that is the route that found you here, then welcome. I invite you to read through our posts from the beginning. Know that we write to share our story--our life with and following my husband’s battle with testicular cancer.

We are blessed to have a huge number of people, family and friends, who keep us in their thoughts and prayers. Using a blog to communicate with them is one of the gifts of modern technology. We hope that if you are going through similar difficulties times in your life that our honest sharing is something that can help you find wholeness during a stressful time.

If you are one who follows our blog, please know that I’m not sharing the "troll's" site address because I do not want to support or advertise the thoughts of an unfortunate soul who seems to have problems with adoption, the church, people of faith, and a whole host of other issues AND who hides behind the veil of “anonymous.” I find it to be cowardly: it doesn’t allow conversation, just verbal arrows shot from a heart that would be empty save all the hate that is held within and shared, “anonymously”, with the world. I do, in all seriousness, hope that whoever it is has someone other than the world wide web to speak to about the things that are troubling them.

I debated about even responding to his/her post. To respond gives power to the other, but not responding can make one feel powerless. And if you are someone who frequents this site, you know that I’m someone who likes conversation, not anonymous mean spirited attacks. I am taking back my power and standing up for my right to share openly and honestly what is happening in our lives, it's our blog after all.

Said blogger commented on my most recent post. It was posted to our site less than 30 minutes after I’d blogged. It was so scathing that Frank deleted it before he even let me read it. He does not usually protect me in this way, so I can only imagine what it said. (He is also much better at dismissing people who don’t share his perspective than I am. I’m softer than him in that respect, I dwell on things. It is who I am.)

Frank, gifted surfer of the web, was able to track the source of the post to the blog where I found myself quoted (out of context of our story) and ripped on. It is one thing to disagree in the context of a conversation, but it is mean spirited to “proof text” or take out of context (what so many Christians unfortunately do to prove their well intentioned however erroneous points) part of a story and pass judgment on a person’s character and profession.

Frank posted, with full disclosure of who he was, to this person’s site inviting him into conversation. S/he erased his comment quicker than s/he was erased by Frank on this site! Conversation halted by the one who seemed so eager to point out how wrong, selfish, mean, and hypocritical I am. Hmmm.

As a clergy women I have never claimed to be anything other than human, complete with all the complex issues that everyone faces. I’m not immune to selfishness*, nor pain. It is thought the grace of God that I work and strive to be in right relationship with God and neighbor. But, if you are anonymous, you, neighbor, prevent that relationship from ever having a chance.

So, all that is to say that we have no intention of engaging in fruitless battles where everyone ends up loosing, and thus we are limiting our comments section to those who will identify themselves in a way that can lead to conversation. That does not mean you have to agree with what we say, for everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you have to have the balls, or in the TC world—the ball, to claim your ideas and the arrows you sling with them as your own, not some cowardly anonymous doofus.

*As an aside, I do not feel my/our desire to adopt an infant is selfish. I view those who have attempted the adoption process after not being able to conceive themselves as brave and courageous.

For most of the world, it doesn’t take much to make a baby, but if what you have doesn’t work, and if you desire to share and grow a life with your partner, and you have the means to do so—it is in some cases selfish not to.

The many layers of paperwork and questioning that couples go through to get to where we are is astounding. There is a “reasonable” reason for everything from personal financial records to a note from the vet saying that that household pet is up to date on shots. The reality remains that people whose “parts” work rarely if ever have to justify to the government that they are fit to be parents. To actively purse adoption means that you’ve overcome or are at least dealing with in a healthy way a lot of anger—at your body, at the system, etc.

Therefore the choice to enter this process is a very personal decision for each person or couple. From the adoptive parents' perspective, each has to determine the threshold of heartache, the willingness to lay your heart out, open to be able to accept a blessing or be prepared for it to be smashed into the ground. It is knowing that what ends up being “best” for the baby may be something other than what you thought it should be. It is about being “all in”, knowing that there may be pieces of your heart that will never be gathered up together again, and that is ok. I’ve heard it said that being a parent is like having your heart walking around outside of your body. For adoptive parents, that often begins years before their child is even conceived.

Additionally, I have GREAT respect for OUR birth mom. We would not be where we are or who we are with out her. She is doing something that I could never imagine doing. I may not always agree with her choices, but I respect that they are hers to make. Frank and I are doing everything with in our power (and within what the state law allows us to do) that we can to support her. Her time is close, she is, to quote her “so done with being pregnant.” We recognize that there are still things that could happen and this is not a “done deal” by any means. We just want to be parents. If she is carrying the child we are to parent, then it will all work out. If not, we’ll grieve what we'd hoped and longed for, regroup and move on. I have faith, I have hope that at some point, at some time we are to give a significant portion of our life to help someone grow into an amazing person.

We did get to see the baby blink, look around, and "breathe" on the ultra sound yesterday! Wasn't the 3D one though, the little stinker faced backward during that one last week. He's coming right along.

So much for trolls.

-the rev

P.S. As of the evening of February 28, the troll's website has been closed to nonregistered users.
Vinny

I got the music in me...

2007-02-21T21:30:00.000-06:00

The Rev. alluded to me having to possibly curtail my music activities with the arrival of a child. The interesting story is that I actually have curtailable music activities.

For those of you who don't know, I am a member of a mid-Missouri singing group (and a damn good one, if I may say so). But singing isn't where I originally got seriously into music. I went to my first college on a tuba scholarship, and it was because I played tuba in The Band in Atlanta that the Rev. and I met. But since getting married and moving out here, I only get a chance to play my horn once every other year or so - certainly not enough to stay "in shape".

Fortunately, I have friends in medium-high places, so when an opportunity came up to play for a U.S. premiere of a piece written by a Canadian pianist/composer, I begged for the part. It turned out well, and I subsequently got an invite to play a gig with the local civic orchestra for their President's Day concert. In the meanwhile, I got to play on Gustav Mahler's Symphony No. 1, again thanks to my friend. The beginning of the 3rd movement has a high and exposed tuba solo, and I was sweating bullets preparing for my 10 seconds of fame. I survived, barely.

It's interesting how some things come back to you just like riding a bicycle. In this case, it was being a member of the low brass fraternity, commiserating with trombone players and doing what low brass players do best - tell dirty jokes or make fun of lesser musicians (namely, string players and vocalists). Ah, life in the orchestra.

By the way, do you know what you call a trombone player who carries a pager?

An optimist.

Ok, well, here's where we are...

2007-02-21T19:54:00.000-06:00

You may have noticed a lack of blogging of late. That is not because things haven't been happening, it just well, so much of the stuff that _is_ happening is so beyond our control and in some ways not yet our story to tell that we've (and I'll confess, mostly me) have been holding it close. But here it is, laid out, bare....

Briefly: We are cautiously excited.

The long version:
As of today our birth mom is at 34 weeks. Her due date is April 4. That being said, she's reached the time where one sees the OB Dr. weekly. Having been bounced around from resident to resident at the clinic she's been going to, she's finally landed a Dr. we all think is pretty cool. Last week's snow storm confirmed we like her best b/c she was out of the office to stay home with her kids and the resident that our Birth mom saw was -10 on the likability scale.

We saw said Dr. Cool (aka "'da boom" as described by the receptionist) yesterday. A check under the hood revealed that B-mom is 100% effaced and has a finger tip of dilatation. Two weeks ago she was 80% effaced. Thus the process of labor has begun. But as any good midwife or OB will tell you, it could be days, it could be weeks. So we wait.

Other issues: B-mom is measuring small. Meaning when they put the tape measure across her belly, it is measuring 31 weeks instead of 34. We've decided (she, Frank and I) that they might want to start measuring not just up and down, but side to side as well. But I digress.
Measuring small wins us a weekly trip to the ultrasound lab to monitor the baby more closely. Yesterday's visit after seeing the Dr. didn't throw any huge red flags. The 3d ultrasound estimated that he (yes, very definitely a he--the only thing we saw clearly on the screen--Frank's so proud and somewhat relieved that it is a boy) weighs about 4 1/2 lbs. That puts him in the 10th percentile. However, some of the pregnancy sites (site 1) (site 2) I've visited say that babies are 4 3/4 to "almost" 5 lbs at this week, so I don't see what all the fuss is about, so he's a bit small. B-mom is a smoker, small birth weight is a possibility. I'm not overly worried, which is a HUGE accomplishment for me at this point.

As for the cool factor of getting to have a 3d ultrasound done: Well the little stinker had his face turned away and covered with his hand and foot--amazingly flexible at this age. Maybe next week. The ultra sound is before the appointment, so we'll get the Dr. Cool's take on what's happening.

We, of course, want him to cook as long as possible. But we anxious to hold him and make him our own. He will be here before we know it. I have a feeling that it will happen in the next week or so. It may dampen some of Frank's musical plans, but, hey, that's life, literally, a new life.

Some have asked what happens after he's born. Well here's how I understand things.

We will be present for the birth. One hour after the birth the hospital escorts us out of the building. As the adoptive parents we are not allowed to even be at the hospital except for birth, and very limited visiting hours. During that time we will probably be making sure his room is ready, stocking up on the correct size of diapers, making sure his room is ready, pacing, not sleeping, hanging out in his room and waiting for our time to go back to the hospital. We will also be selecting a name. The B-mom wants us to name him (she has the right to name him whatever she wants, we have the right to change it if we want to) so that she can begin to call him what we will call him.

The earliest the B-mom can terminate her parental rights is 48 hours after the birth; if she gives birth Thursday - Saturday we'd have to wait until court on Monday. This is, pardon my language, but a HELL of a lot better than the state of Virginia's "15 days to terminate and 10 more days to change your mind" law. I digress again. The court is pretty good about working in cases like this; evidently they have a lot of really crappy things to deal with in family court and this is that bright shining light they wait to see every so often, the baby is to be present, mostly for the photo op w/ the judge. Did I mention that they love this kind of thing?

After that there are several different things we'll have to do, home study w/ the social worker, another appearance in court, and other formalities that I'm not to worried about at this point.

At this point the plan for leaving the hospital is that she will let the agency "take him home" from the hospital and then our agency will give him to us to care for until the court date. This way we can avoid foster care all together. This is MOST excellent.

I could go into the emotional roller coaster I've been on of late, but I will just say that as I've walked this "paper pregnancy" with a girlfriend who gave birth to a second child yesterday morning, we've come to discover that each is equally harrowing and scary.

You know the story of Jacob from the Bible? He wakes up to find himself wrestling with an angel, a particularly strong one that seems determined to kill him. Jacob holds on, fights back and demands a blessing before he, Jacob, will let the angel go. By morning he has his blessing, but does not come out of the encounter unscathed. He's so badly injured that he walks with a limp for the rest of his life. A reminder of the cost of the blessing.

I compare this story to our respective pregnancies. My friend may carry the physical scars of a c-section, her mark of the battle for the blessing of her new little one. I too feel like I'm fighting for a blessing. But my scars are ones that are etched in my heart. My only duty is acknowledge them, but not to become them. During this waiting time, sometimes it is hard not to let those fresh scars be part of my daily existence. Especially when I reflect back to the blessing that we had to hand over to someone else last September. And yet, at the same time, that may be the point of the story of Jacob--he was reminded of it daily, and yet still was able to live.

Other comparisons between paper and physical pregnancy a sense of spaciness and a feeling of being completely out of control. As I'm preparing for maternity leave from my job as a pastor I'm reminded of how much I love my work and don't really want anyone else to do it for me. But I am also SO ready for this little one to come into our lives! I meet tomorrow w/ the person who will be covering the church's duties for me while I'm out for three months. I'm excited to get that done, so it is one less thing that needs to be checked off the "list" of things to do.

That's all for now. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

The Rev.

Graduation

2007-01-23T11:09:00.000-06:00

Had my first labs and CT of 2007, almost two years to the day after my first chemo infusion. Nothing new, nothing exciting. Just the way I like it.

Dr. V. moved me from a 2-month to a 4-month checkup schedule, with CTs every 8 months. So the next time I visit the oncologist's office, it will have been more than two years since the end of chemo and almost two years since my RPLND. That two year milestone is significant, as recurrences of non-seminoma significantly drop off after that time period.

I also got a fistful of "Cancer Sucks" buttons from the chemo nurses. They can be ordered through the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship ($25 for a box of 100).

Prepare the Way

2006-12-20T21:22:00.000-06:00

It's finally hit me: this season's time of busyness. And I've go a sore throat.

In preparing the way I've got the following to prepare:

A Longest Night service tomorrow evening.
A funeral on Saturday for a beautiful 92 year old who reminded me of my Grandma, esp. her beautiful white hair.
Two services for Sunday

And while Sunday is Christmas Eve, it is not "eve" until after sun down and thus during the day it is the 4th Sunday of Advent. That means two different services--even though most folks will probably only be attending one or the other; why go to church twice on one day if you can have the convenient excuse of hosting "family". I fear some are using that excuse to stay away altogether, too bad, because when they do they are missed, more than that they really do miss out on the gift of grace that is given when the people of God gather....but I digress. Come see us defy the laws of physics while two things (4th Sunday of Advent and the celebration of Christmas Eve) occupy the same space at the same time on Sunday MORNING!

Following is a picture of the season that I wanted to share, to remind you and me that our preparation isn't all about us, nor is it about this crunch of time, but it is indeed timeless.

The Holy Family is always looking for shelter, a place to rest, a place to be to host the Christ child.

Claremont UMC has put the finishing touches on a provocative unconventional display on the church’s front lawn. Instead of the traditional wooden stable, hay bales, and illuminated plastic figures of Mary, Joseph and infant Jesus, a group of artists designed and built a life-size homeless encampment adjacent to Foothill Boulevard in Claremont. Visible from the street, the display features two figures huddled around a small cardboard shelter protecting an infant’s child seat. A neon sign illuminates the shelter containing the word “Love” in script. A neon star hovers over the scene, atop an eight-foot block wall on which the words “Peace on Earth” have been spray-painted. “People get so busy with ‘holiday events’ that it’s easy to forget for whom Jesus came,” commented Rev. Dr. Sharon Rhodes-Wickett, pastor. “We don’t want to keep Jesus as a sweet first century story, but rather as a 21st reality, who shakes us up and provokes us to act in behalf of justice and peace for all.” The display is illuminated at night and will continue through Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.
The Rev.

Rev. Unplugged

2006-12-06T11:03:00.000-06:00

The United Methodist Church in Missouri is presenting a series of devotional podcasts during the Advent season (for you unsaved heathens, that's the four weeks preceding Christmas day). Every day a different pastor gives a short 2-3 minute message. The Rev. is on tap for today (December 6). Note that this file may have some issues - I had to crank up the volume to hear what she was saying.

Your browser doesn't support the EMBED tag, but you can still listen to The Rev.'s message by <a href="http://progressive.powerstream.net/002/00361/20061206_Evans.mp3">clicking here.</a>
Meanwhile, we're still dealing with the consequences of a 15-inch snowfall here in Mid-Missouri. Our fair city, for some reason, uses cinders from the municipal power plant, mixed with salt, to spread on the roads. Once the snow melts and evaporates, we'll be left with dingy streets reminiscent of a Charles Dickens novel until a good rain comes our way.

Hitting the big time

2006-11-28T14:01:00.000-06:00

My beloved Columbia Chorale is finally getting some recognition. This year our Messiah production has been picked up by the University Concert Series and they've done some great promotional work on TV. Check out the ad:

Thursday December 7, at 7 PM. Be there!

Giving Thanks

2006-11-21T14:58:00.000-06:00

I received a solicitation from the Indiana University Cancer Center yesterday, and my first thought was, "Boy, I'd give my left nut to help find a cure for cancer!"

But seriously folks...

It's coming up on two years since my initial diagnosis, and Thanksgiving seems to be an appropriate time of year to reflect on where we've been in the last couple of years. If not for the intellectual curiosity of folks like Dr. Einhorn, I might not be around today. So the Rev. and I will be making a donation to further research at IU.

You can give to IU online through the IU Foundation, but it's a pain in the butt using this method to designate your gift for cancer research. The easier way to support IU cancer research is to write a check to "IU Foundation/Hem-Onc Gifts" and mail to:

Indiana University Cancer Center
c/o Indiana University Foundation
PO Box 663802
Indianapolis IN 46266-3802

Happy Thanksgiving! Follow the Rev. and I online tomorrow as we head to Atlanta.

Boring days and not-so-boring days

2006-11-14T15:32:00.000-06:00

Another yawner at the oncologist's office today. That's my last visit for 2006. We'll try for a surgery-free year in 2007. Hard to believe we'll soon be marking two years from my initial diagnosis. Some of the folks who were going through TC when I started this have not been as fortunate as I have. Just this week I learned from my TC mailing list that two more folks from our ranks have departed this life and a third has begun palliative care. Sad, but life goes on.

On the less-boring side, our birthmom / adoption partner is planning to move to town this weekend. While we are encouraged by this development, it will be an exercise in proper boundary setting.

Be a Star!

2006-11-09T22:30:00.000-06:00

Here's your chance to take part in a sort of classical music karaoke. My esteemed singing group Columbia Chorale will be performing Handel's Messiah on Thursday, December 7 as part of the University of Missouri Concert Series. It promises to be a great night and it marks a new high as we've increased our artistic stature over the past few years.

The following Sunday, we'll also be singing Messiah at Missouri United Methodist Church as part of their concert series. Now then for the fun part: the eight solos (two for each voice part) will be auctioned on eBay. The winning bidder gets to sing a solo at the Messiah sing-along on Sunday, December 10, accompanied by the 9th Street Philharmonic Orchestra. Starting today and continuing for the next week, a solo will be put up for auction. You can now bid on the Soprano Aria "Rejoice greatly, o daughter of Zion". Best of all, your donation is tax deductible!

Baby News, Vol. 2 Issue 2: Meet the Parents

2006-11-03T07:34:00.000-06:00

Tuesday (Halloween) was a good day, even if it was exhausting and emotional. The Rev. and I took off for a 1 1/2 hour flight (vs. a 5-hour drive) to meet with our birthmom and go to some appointments together. Neither one of us slept very well the previous night, just due to the pure excitement I suppose. I'm probably acting a bit more cautious than I normally would, with our recent experience with Mini Vinny still fresh in our minds, and Birthmom probably picked up that vibe or else chalked it up to being tired.

Anyway, the ultrasound went well (Birthmom is probably 18-19 weeks along). The Rev. and I crowded over the monitor as the tech, who was very good at his job, took all sorts of measurements and showed the three of us different views of what was happening inside Birthmom's belly. It's a boy (we could see the penis and scrotal sac) and he's quite active. He seems to have all the necessary parts; he's about 9 ounces right now and is scheduled to make his debut in early April 2007.

We had a nice lunch together and talked about all sorts of stuff. Amazingly, we even managed to have a non-baby-oriented conversation! After lunch, we headed to the OB/GYN office for a brief visit and got some suggestions as to adoption-friendly folks to work with at the hospital. Afterward we walked to the hospital and Birthmom asked for a tour of the birthing suite and postpartum rooms. It was a slow day in babyland, so the hospital staff was able to accommodate us.

In a lot of ways, Birthmom reminds me of my younger brother. She's very passionate about her role in this process and wants to provide us with as full an experience as possible. She also seems to know exactly what she wants and is not afraid to ask for it. We could see that in her interaction with the nurse in the birthing center. She basically took charge, explained the situation and while not bullying anyone, made very clear what her expectations of the hospital would be for her and for us when it comes time for the baby to be born. She wants us to be well taken care of.

There's a possibility that she may move a little closer to where we are. She seems to be highly motivated to be out on her own. Her moving closer has several potential positives and a few possible negatives, as you can imagine. Our boundaries will probably be tested, although right now I can't say with any certainty what those boundaries ought to be. We'll have to figure it out as we go.

The journey continues, and it is never boring.

Happy Birthday TCRC!

2006-10-27T12:22:00.000-05:00

Today marks 10 years (since folks first started counting) since the Testicular Cancer Research Center first made its appearance on the wild and wooly internet. In addition to being the home page of the TC-NET discussion list for TC-affected folks, the TCRC is also a great source of information for all things TC. The site gets an average of 800-plus hits a day from more than 170 countries around the world.

I found the TCRC in a flurry of internet research the night before my first trip to the urologist. While I was impressed with all the concise info, I had basically convinced myself at the time that it wasn't cancer and I would get a nice script for an antibiotic and everything would clear up in a couple of weeks. Well, you all know how that turned out. The TCRC has been great for me and I have recommended it highly to others new to the TC ride.

The folks who founded and edited the site are long-time survivors (10, 14, and 19 years respectively), and I plan to join those ranks eventually. For now I can just say thanks.

Smooth Tunes...

2006-10-20T13:04:00.000-05:00

Hat tip to NotherFrog for pulling me down into this abyss. Welcome to Yacht Rock, where you get the (made-up) behind the scenes stories on musicians like Kenny Loggins, Michael McDonald, Hall & Oates, Steely Dan, and others. Their music is so SMOOTH!

The show ran on Channel 101 for an unprecedented 9 months before it fell out of the ratings and was "canceled".

I would warn that there's adult language, but because the music is from the late 70s/early 80s those children whose ears might be affected by the language will be absolutely bored out of their skulls by the plot lines and music anyway, so I doubt they'd even want to watch.

Baby News, Vol. 2 Issue 1: A New Journey

2006-10-18T21:52:00.000-05:00

Or...The Tao of Adoption

Also, I show off a few new stupid HTML tricks I learned. See if you can spot them all. Anyway, moving on...

In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu says "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."¹

And so we begin again. Our adoption portfolio (our "marketing piece") has been chosen by a potential birth mother, and after studying her profile, we've decided we want to work with her. We've spoken on the phone and The Rev. and I are excited in a cautious way, if that makes any sense.

What can I tell you about our partner in the adoption process? Well, she lives within driving distance, has children, and has an immediate family that is supportive of her intentions. These are all good things.

We are currently proceeding in the manner of an open adoption. Birthmom is keeping a pregnancy journal that she has offered to share with us and also has invited us to be present at her next doctor appointment (including an ultrasound) in the upcoming weeks. Granted, the phrase "open adoption" means different things to different people -- it's a notoriously vague descriptor.

She is due sometime in late March/early April, and as they say in golf, there's a lot of green between here and there. Anything can happen, thus the reason for the caution that tempers our excitement. Still, we are once again jumping in with both feet. As they say (all too often) in Texas Hold-em, we are "all in" (as we at the same time continue the overuse of random goofy jargon). Can you tell we're excited about becoming parents?

I should add that The Rev. had the requisite Target trip to celebrate this event. She purchased some burp rags emblazened with baby turtles, along with coordinating washcloths. She takes pleasure from the little things in life, you know.

¹ Depending on the translation you read. Sometimes it's rendered something like "A journey of a thousand miles begins at the spot under one's feet." Whatever. You get the idea.

If you're really interested

2006-10-14T09:36:00.000-05:00

There's been a couple of graphic things shared lately on the TC Cancer Forum that I regularly participate in. One of them is a link to the University of Virginia Health System's Pathology Department. They have a page that has in-depth discussions of the various types of testicular tumors. And there's pictures too! NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH, GROSS OUT ALERT!

But even more fascinating was the sharing of a picture from one member's RPLND. While I had a 7x10 cm node taken out, another guy had a node removed that was 34x24x17 cm and weighed 8 1/2 pounds. His surgeon took before and after pictures. Here's the link to the discussion. You have to click on the picture links to actually see them. Again, major gross out alert.

Cancer in Comics

2006-10-10T17:26:00.000-05:00

There's a web-based comic strip called "Innies and Outties" which I will admit is a bit weird, even for me. The main characters are children who seem to function as adults in their world, kind of a fantasyland of sorts. Anyway, one of the characters is a vegeterian zombie named Harold (the vegetarian part is important, otherwise he'd be eating the brains of the living, you know) who happens to be dealing with cancer in a certain area of his body. The writer never comes out and says it, but it sure looks like TC. Currently in the timeline of the strip, the zombie is undergoing surgery. I'm curious to see where it will lead.

Enjoy at your leisure. As I said, it's a bit weird, but there you are.

The Band! THE BAND!

2006-09-29T10:20:00.000-05:00

NPR's All Things Considered had a story the other day about adult marching bands, which mentioned that the oldest adult marching band is the Second Time Arounders, based in St. Petersburg, Florida. Not so fast there, NPR! Those guys may have been around for 25 years, but there happens to be a band from Atlanta that's been around for more than 32 years, namely the Seed and Feed Marching Abominable. This picture is of the band at the 2006 Spoleto Festival USA in Charleston, South Carolina. Full disclosure compels me to state that the term "marching" is a bit of a misnomer where the S&FMA is concerned; they generally stroll, and not necessarily in time with the music. Not that I'm splitting hairs...

For me and the Rev., the band holds a special place in our hearts, since it's where we first met way back in 1998. The Rev. never tires of sharing the saga of how she finally roped me in after several attempts (most of which were done somewhat surreptitiously). The band is quite the eclectic group of folks, with artists, retirees, attorneys, realtors, doctors, scientists, and more among its membership -- not sure if they've had any clergy members since the Rev. and I moved away. It's one of the few things we miss about Atlanta.

Fortunately, another one of the members of the band in the "diaspora" pointed out the grievous error, so NPR corrected the mistake in their Thursday letters from listeners segment, played a recording of the band performing the theme from The Magnificent Seven, and even plugged an upcoming gig. Here it is, in case you missed it live.

Check 'em Lads on TV in the UK!

2006-09-16T10:58:00.000-05:00

Phil Morris and Mick Riley (of checkemlads.com fame) made a recent TV appearance in the UK to raise TC awareness. Go lads!

The roller coaster continues.

2006-09-12T15:04:00.000-05:00

Life marches on. Frank had a CT and blood work done today. Based on some advice he received from other TCers, he mixed the CT contrast shake with some raspberry Crystal Light. When asked if it tasted better he said yes. However, he had to begin drinking it at 4:30am, so he may have been too asleep to even taste it. (Frank here: By the way, they tried using a different IV contrast dye today and there was no horn! The CT tech marked it on my folder and said in the future to make sure and ask for the "special sauce". Not sure I want to know...)

After the appointment he’s told me that all looks normal. Good. It’s good that one thing looks normal because so much of our life happens so fast that I don’t think I really know what normal really is.

We spent last week resting at Frank’s parents’ home. It was a good week. In addition to being able to be complete vegetables in a quiet space (who knew that sleep deprivation began only three days into having an infant at home?), we also got to spend time with children who will be in our lives for a long time.

The triplets (our niece and two nephews) that I baptized at the end of July had doubled in size. One of them was beginning to recognize that there were other babies in the crib with him. It is amazing how fast they grow. My nephew who turns 2 this week was ok with his mama not being around and Frank and I got to bond with him while he watched train videos that Frank Googled on the internet.

I needed something to do with my hands and I started a cross stitch kit. My niece who has begun kindergarten helped with a few of the stitches as she was fascinated by the sewing part of it. I worked on it a lot, including during turbulence on our ride home. It is almost finished, but I fear that I will leave it unfinished as my life marches on and I don’t seem to be able to find (or to take) the time to sit down and just be.

Taking wise advice from one of the elders in Frank’s flight club, we mailed all the baby stuff back to MO before we left VA, so as to lighten our load, emotionally and physically. I picked the box up yesterday afternoon. It sits unopened in the baby’s room. I know that there will come a day when I don't think about Vincent. And then it will be a few days, and time will march on and there will be a small person in our life that will be the recipient of our love and affection and “Mini Vinny” will be a wisp of a passing thought. However, in the mean time, it is proving to be hard to sit at my desk, or even sit in a group and not have my mind wander to thoughts of him. Part of me wants to open the box to look at his hospital pictures; another part doesn't want to open that part of my heart open again. Such is grief. It just has to be muddled through. There is not quick route to get around it.

For the record we are ok and have peace that the baby is in a good home. But, worry is still in the back of my mind. In the state of Virginia the birth mom has 15 days to change her mind after waiting the 10 days before terminating parental rights; a total of 25 days at the earliest. The baby was born on August 27, if everything happened as soon as it could, that new family is still waiting on pins and needles until September 22 to be “in the clear”. Maybe that date will be a date of peace for me too, although we have no legal rights to know how or what is transpiring.
Trust and faith.

We will be attending the local Adoptive Parents Network meeting this Thursday night. If I had any doubts about our place/right/worthiness to be there (probably just some of those normal jitters when you are “new” at something), they are gone. While our time with Vincent didn’t end the way we hoped it would, we have entered the world of being adoptive parents.

Folks say being a parent will change your life. Some say it with a “Ha ha ha, you have no idea what you are getting into” look in their eyes. I think we do. My experience of this process is that there is a lot more thought and intention than that the "normal" way of starting a family. How many people do you know have to have a social worker come into your home do an interview, hire lawyers, wait for someone to pick you, and then have a judge approve that you are ok parents including that your house pet has had all of its shots up to date? (How does one give a fish a shot? Just kidding, no I have not gone out and purchased another pet.)

We are ready, we are still on the roller coaster that is adoption. I plan to hang on even though the ride may get rough. In the end, I plan on looking at Frank and saying, "What a ride, I'm glad we did it together!"

Thank you to all who have supported us, it means a lot.
The Rev.

back home

2006-09-10T22:05:00.000-05:00

After nursing our hearts, from VA to GA to MO, we are home.
We "re-enter" our respecitve worlds tomorrow morning.
I will hit the ground running with a 7am meeting. For those of you who know and love me, you know I don't do mornings often or easily.
I for one would like to have a stern talking to with the crazy woman who scheduled all the church meetings for the month of September. (Yes, that would be me.)
Thanks to all who have kept us in your hearts, it has helped.
The Rev.

BN Vol. 1 Issue 4: Starting Over

2006-09-01T19:03:00.000-05:00

Today has probably been the worst day of Sarah's life, and it certainly ranks in the top (bottom?) two or three of mine as well. Mini Vinny is no longer in our arms. We fought hard and had a lot of people in our corner, but circumstances and the law were ultimately against us.

We found out Thursday afternoon that the birthmom had changed her mind and found another family to be the adoptive parents. We had hoped for some sort of reprieve, but late Friday morning found us handing Mini Vinny over to another set of well qualified parents, although of course in our minds not NEARLY as qualified as we.

It hurts, hurts, hurts a lot. It's more of a selfish hurting for ourselves, rather than pain for Mini Vinny. But he's in good hands, and that really is the most important thing. He is happy and healthy and we have given him the best days of his young life so far and provided a calm and healthy place for him to spend his first hours on this earth. And, we have managed to make an amazing number of friends in the legal and medical profession in our short time here, and they were all (of course) impressed with us, so much so that they were willing to place their professional reputations on the line to help us and help Mini Vinny.

Is the battle for Mini Vinny over? Technically, no, because anything can (and probably will) still happen in the coming days. In reality, probably yes. We are subject to the birthmom's whims, and this particular state's adoption laws are far more favorable to the birth parents than to the adoptive parents. Anything is possible, and we have hope, but that doesn't make this any easier.

So, like we said earlier, we will pick up the pieces and move on, continuing to work on finding a child who needs us to be his or her parents. We have no regrets at all. I think that the joy of experiencing Mini Vinny for a few short days and having a positive impact on his life far outweighs the pain of seeing him go.

Interestingly, near to where we are staying is a prayer labyrinth back in the forest. We spend early Thursday afternoon there with Mini Vinny, contemplating how the labyrinth walk is like the adoption process: oftentimes it seems like you're getting farther away from the goal, but eventually, if you stay on the path, you will reach your destination. We will plan to visit the labyrinth again before we leave town.

We'll be taking some time to be alone as we process this latest turn on the road and cope with our loss. Meanwhile say a prayer for little Vincent Harrison (the name we decided upon), because he deserves as many people as possible to be looking out for him.

BN Vol.1 Issue 3: Baby Layaway or House Arrest

2006-08-30T05:54:00.000-05:00

Can't sleep, so might as well blog.

This day has theoretically been just as long as the last few, but today seemed to move at lightning speed. Maybe that's a preview of how our perception of reality may be changing.

We picked up a rental car, made a mandatory Target trip (for other "essentials" as well as to provide me with some necessary toiletries), then we headed to a local fire station for baby seat installation training. After that we headed to the hospital.

If you're a prospective adoptive parent and have a friend who is a certified nurse midwfe, it probably helps you immensely if the baby you wish to adopt is at the hospital where your friend usually practices. Everybody in the birthing center was absolutely in our corner and laid out the red carpet for us. We met with the social worker, who copied our IDs and placed them in the baby's chart so that we could more easily gain access to the nursery. Then we waited. We were on hospital time.

The nurses in the nursery wheeled the baby's cart over to where we were standing on the outside looking in. He's a beautiful boy, born Sunday night, with lots of black hair. After what seemed like an eternity, we were escorted into an isolation room in the nursery and they brought the baby in to us. We held and cuddled him and fed him, then we had to leave to visit the in-state adoption lawyer.

Meanwhile, phone calls continued to intersperse the day. Our friend had been contacted by the baby's mother and the mother wanted us to call. We spoke with the pediatrician as well. We tried several times to contact the baby's mother but were unable to reach her.

We got the lowdown from the attorney: The baby's mother could terminate her parental rights as soon as the baby was 10 days old, then she had another 15 days to change her mind. So right there, it's a mimimum of 25 days before her rights could be completely terminated. There are interstate issues as well, so the baby can't leave his home state with us until the interstate issues are resolved. The baby needed an attorney. The mother needed an attorney. The father needed an attorney. There had to be a face-to-face meeting between us and the mother. A lot of things had to be done in court. There were genetic tests to be done as well. It all takes time, money, and patience. I think we can handle the first two items, but the patience thing, well, you know...

Anyway, we headed back to the hospital for more baby bonding time, and to stake our claim, if you will. We fed him again, then met with the pediatrician, who planned to release the baby that evening. The mother had already signed forms allowing the hospital to release the baby into our custody. So we had a brief overview of Baby 101, learning how to bathe and care for him. The Rev. will leave the umbilical stump to me, since she has belly button issues.

One more thing before leaving the hospital - circumcision. Our PTBNL (Player To Be Named Later) performed admirably. The pediatrician came in and said I would probably be upset seeing how the baby's "package" looked, but I informed her of my TC history and said I had seen and had a lot worse done to me in that area. The Rev. was wheeled out in a chair with the baby strapped in to his seat, and we were gone.

So, here we are back at base camp. "Mini Vinny", as we've taken to calling him, has basically been asleep since we put him in the car seat around 10 PM last night. So at this point he's been sleeping for 7 1/2 hours. For the last three hours I've been tossing and turning, wondering when he would wake up and request to be serviced. He stirs and makes a few gurgles and gasps every once in a while, but hasn't really fully awoken yet. We have formula and diapers at the ready when he does.

I'm glad someone's getting some sleep. I'm currently trying to figure out the logistics of the next month - getting back to Missouri, getting one of our cars out to Baby Central so we can return the rental, getting the adoption done, figuring out my work schedule, planning visits from grandparents while we're under "house arrest" in the state, etc.

I haven't quite come up with an appropriate analogy for our current status. At first I was thinking Baby Layaway, but since we already have him in our "posession" that doesn't quite fit - it's more of a "No Money Down" baby, although considering the lawyer costs so far, that's not a very accurate descriptor either.

We'll have a follow-up visit with the pediatrician on Friday, but at this point we're basically under unsupervised probation. What were these people thinking, letting us take home a baby that isn't ours yet?

Actually, that's not quite right. The baby may not yet be legally ours, but he sure is emotionally and spiritually ours. The Rev. and I have attached ourselves to what we believe is in our son's best interest and we will fight like hell (if necessary) to preserve his place in our family. If this adoption should fall through, we'll pick up the emotional pieces and move on. We are cracked pots, after all.

Baby News, Vol.1 Issue 2: The Trip

2006-08-29T10:00:00.000-05:00

Monday was a helter-skelter kind of day. We decided we needed to travel to meet this baby and see if we could put the adoption wheels in motion. We'd been preparing for this day, which would require tying up loose ends at home and work then leaving for an indeterminate length of time, possibly a month or more. It was time.

It would take 16 hours of driving by Google's reckoning vs. five hours (plus stopping time to refuel) to fly ourselves. You can guess which option we chose. By early afternoon the Rev. had her job duties taken care of and officially started her maternity leave. She picked me up from work and we drove to meet with our attorney and spent an hour or so discussing the plan of action with him. The day was interspersed with numerous phone calls to our friend the midwife, the baby's mother, the social worker at the hospital, an attorney in the state where the baby was born, etc. No wonder that we weren't ready to leav the house until almost 4 PM.

We packed for oursleves plus some essential baby stuff: car seat, couple of bottles with nipples, couple of changes of clothes, two baby quilts, some toys, and cameras (still and video). Did I say essentials? Anyway, we made sure that everything would fit in the plane, including a baby seat with a baby occupying it.

Again, glad I got that instrument rating. We had to do a little bit of thunderstorm dodging the first half of the trip, then fog set in at our destination and I had to shoot a GPS approach to get in there. The Rev. did an admirable job, following some brief and intense on-the-job training, as my copilot on the approach, informing me of our position and looking for the runway.

Our friend's husband picked us up at the airport around 12:30 AM and we got to their house and settled into bed by 1:30. We were up by 6:30, as they have a 3-year old in the house who goes to school in the mornings. We showered and had breakfast, and arranged for a rental car that we would need for at least a few days, but for how long we didn't know.

Baby News, Vol.1 Issue 1: The Call

2006-08-27T23:00:00.000-05:00

Well, we've had quite the full weekend. On Saturday we hosted a party in honor of my sister-in-law, who finished her Master's in Counseling Psychology and at the same time landed a job at a local high school. We had about 50 friends and relatives over and although the weather threatened all day long, the rain held off.

Sunday was busy also. We had a guest singer in the church service who was talented, but the service ran a bit long. Meanwhile, friends of my parents from New Orleans were in town on their way to Colorado, and we visited for a little while at the house. But not for long, as I had to go to a big airport and pickup two kids from church who were returning from their Grandmother's funeral. It's a 2 1/2 hour one-way drive to the airport vs. a one hour flight, so naturally I opted for the flying route (after clearing it with the kids' mom, of course). Good thing I got that instrument rating, because the weather around the big airport was atrocious. We got back into town around 6 PM and were pretty much worn out.

Later in the evening, we got a call from a friend of ours who we've known for at least 8 years (the Rev has known her longer). The Rev. had heard from an acquaintance that our friend had just had another child, so we asked if she had a new baby in the house. Her response was something to the effect of, "No, but I might if you two don't get the one I'm calling about." Did I mention that our friend is a certified nurse midwife? She had been caring for a young woman who was pregnant with her second child, but due to the status of her relationship with the baby's father, she was not interested in keeping the baby.

Whoa. We got the details and called our local adoption attorney, who advised us to follow our friend's lead. We then spoke briefly with the baby's mother, who affirmed that she was interested in placing the child with us through adoption.

Holy cow. The world just got a little more interesting.

Whew!

2006-08-19T12:18:00.000-05:00

We're back! We had a marvelous time, but things got interesting on the return trip. The weather forecast called for steady rain the entire way from Chicago back to Missouri. Here I was thinking that I could get some actual cloud flying time on the way back. Once we got to Quincy, Illinois, things began to get interesting (see pictures at left). ATC steered us toward Kirksville at first, then down towards Knob Noster and Whiteman AFB. As we headed south another cell of storms started forming to the west, and we skated into Boonville just before those storms hit.

Our last day was a wild swing cuisine-wise. Thursday night we ate at Rick Bayless' Frontera Grill, with some Chiapas-inspired dishes. Friday morning we stopped in trendy Wicker Park for breakfast at Earwax Cafe, where they serve things like Tofu Benedict and Vegetarian Hash. For lunch we grabbed sandwiches from a Corner Bakery around the corner from the hotel before heading for the Gary Chicago airport, via the South Shore line train. We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Boonville. Back to normal!

For my next trick

2006-08-07T15:39:00.000-05:00

Well, as of noon on Saturday, I'm officially an instrument-rated private pilot. What does that mean, you ask? I suppose it all depends on who you talk to. I can legally punch holes in the clouds now, and the ability to fly through less-than-perfect weather gives me a bit more flexibility when flying long trips. More cynical individuals would say I now have the ability to cause abject terror for my flying passengers in new and exciting ways.

So now what? The Rev. claims that at some point I told her to put the brakes on if I tried to go any further than an instrument rating, but I've been giving thought to a commercial certificate, just to keep learning (and maybe become a flight instructor on the side - I've been told I'm a good teacher).

In the imaginary (aka geek) world, I'm about to graduate from the virtual air traffic control academy and will hopefully be controlling and talking to REAL virtual pilots on the internet (as opposed to SIMULATED virtual pilots on the internet). (The Rev here: 1st, he really did say to remind him to stop after IFR and now he has "conveniently" forgotten; must be the chemo brain at work. 2nd, he never asked my opinion on the virtual geek world stuff. Do any of you have any idea of how far back into my head my eyes have rolled at this??? A hint: I have had the opportunity to count the wrinkles in my gray matter. It's all very X-files: in order to finish his training he is waiting to be "contacted"--I'm expecting to see a big X in the clouds, or duct taped to our driveway or bedroom window...) I have to say though, real piloting and virtual controlling are very complementary - I've learned a lot to help me in the real world. (<--with this have NO complaints.)

Next week I plan to put my new instrument rating to use and fly the Rev. to Chicago for a conference. I've been told that it seems like once you get your instrument rating, you'll never get to use it flying in the soup. We'll see.

We're Back!

2006-08-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

We are back from the beach and had a great week with Frank's family.
7 adults, 5 children (3@ 3.5 months, 1@ 20 months, and 1 who starts kindergarten soon), 2 condos, a pool and the ocean. We also got to meet the 7.5 month old who lives about an hour north of where we were staying. Then we all caravanned back to Atlanta for the baptisms of the triplets on Sunday morning.
What an amazing family I get to be a part of and what a blessing to baptize the latest additions! (I used a black shell that Frank and I had found on the beach Friday morning to do the baptism)
I have now had my "baby Jones" fired up and am getting even more ready for when ours comes home.
Thanks to all who held down the fort while we were away.
The Rev.

NOLA Trip Pics

2006-07-22T13:34:00.000-05:00

Unbelievable, originally uploaded by Thepreacherswife.

For those of you who are interested, here's a link to our NOLA mission trip photolog, via Flickr.

The Weather Outside

2006-07-20T11:45:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is stupidly hot here this week. Temps over 100, with heat indices in the 110-115 range. It's also Vacation Bible School Week at the church, featuring an outdoor sand dune for "archeological digs". It looks a bit more like Death Valley than the Sinai, mainly because of some of the added "treasures": elephant femur, rhino skull, etc. Fortunately, no incidents of heat stroke thus far.

To add to the weather fun, Wednesday night St. Louis was pounded by intense storms that knocked out power all over the metro area. We got an early morning phone call from the Rev.'s parents:

"How much freezer space do you have?"

Apparently, their house will be without electricity for the next five days or so, and they have a treasure trove of frozen meat (that the Rev.'s mom bought off the back of a roving pickup truck, but that's another story) that needs a temporary home. So our freezer, and perhaps freezers at the church, will be filled up for a little while, and the in-laws will stay at the lake.

Meanwhile, we're going to the beach for vacation next week. My folks made an executive decision to switch from the Gulf Coast to the Atlantic Coast for a change of scenery (not to mention the fact that the Gulf Coast beaches have had to be replenished several times recently due to hurricane damage). We'll spend a week with the nieces and nephews (4 of whom are under a year old) then head back up to Atlanta where the Rev. will baptize the triplets.

No news on the adoption front lately, so we won't be adding any insanity (child-wise) to the beach mix this year.

Reason # 7,348

2006-07-14T13:35:00.000-05:00

Reason #7,348 to thank Dr. Einhorn.

Ok, so I haven't actually sat down and counted up the reasons, but as I was driving in blinding rain to Wally World last night at 11pm on a quest for a pump to keep the water out of the basement I had two flashes of insight:

One, on the heels of being in NOLA it is interesting how big a little bit of water in the basement can seem.
Complaining is a leisure activity: it was late, we were tired, it kept raining, the water kept rising, and after not falling down for well over two years that I slipped twice on our concrete patio and scraped and bruised toe/foot/knee and my ego.
Perspective is a gift: so I may need to repack my grandma's dishes, but I also need to get them out an use them anyway, it's not like the entire basement was flooded 4 or more feet. (What a mess THAT would be!)

Second, (and the reason that I'm blogging) I'm sure glad I am that I don't have to face everything by myself. But it really is easier for me to have someone else sharing in the frustration of the situation. We fell into bed exhausted, resigned to the knowledge that there would be water in the basement in the morning, but we did it together.

Thank you Dr. Einhorn.

BTW: I have bailed that basement window well by myself before, it was a pain, but it was day light. 4 inches of rain fell in an hour that day. And I followed it with 2 hours of what I call the "Shop Vac Shuffle" in the church basement. The church has since installed pumps that worked very nicely last night where were got about 5 inches in total.